"Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance." Bruce Barton Thanks SueBob
I am in love. I am in love and i feel like the luckiest woman in the world. My husband forgave me for a mistake i made. The worst possible mistake one spouse can do to another.
Not only did he forgive me, but i forgave myself. Marriage is a choice. It's a partnership. It's love and longing and desire. For us, it's also living with my depression and mania. It's despair and grief, anger and betrayal. I wish i could say i will never fall into depression again, but given my history i probably will.
I will not let it spiral into ruin again. I will seek help when i need it. I have a whole army of people to help me now. I also have perspective inwardly in a way i never have in my life. Seeing it all fall apart and come back together again. Seeing, truly seeing, the love that i almost lost forever has blown my psyche wide open. I wasn't a victim of circumstances, i was a victim of the horrible voices in my head and heart. I know that little devil in my head now and i hate her.
The thing about depression and manic episodes is that when you are in the middle of them they are like a drug. Though you hate them you just can't picture yourself without them. You begin to identify as "that depressed girl." And now that i am not her, i don't like her. I will do everything i can to keep her away and if she knocks i am going to get help answering that door.
I never want to lose the love of my life again.
Posted by Jess at 01:23 PM Permalink
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I haven't commented in a very long time, but I was compelled to tell you that I think this is possibly the healthiest post you have written in the 2 years I have been reading you. Peace and love.
Posted by Sharon | August 13, 2008 08:26 PM