two halves

Camping was great as camping is want to be. The kids and i had a great time just being away from the rush of the school/work schedule.

I love the campsite we went to. It's perfect for kids - lots of freedom to spend days riding bikes, combing the beach for shells and lounging around the campfire. I spent hours at the beach watching the kids and the mountains and the ocean. Thinking. Thinking.

I am searching for answers i just can't find. I keep searching my soul, my heart asking, begging, for answers. It's so hard.

I had to switch my focus back to the kids. Answers don't magically arrive. I need to keep myself in the present. I can't change the past and i can't see into the future. I can, however, live right now. Right here in these magical days of childhood bliss.

I need to be more present for the kids. When i get lost in my own problems, my own space, i'm not there for them and i am certainly not parenting well. I find myself being less patient, quicker to snap. I don't like it when i behave like that, though at times they quite simply are being little rotters. Mostly though they are kids who've had a tough year too and they just want to be with me and spend some quality time.

Camping did that for us.