take the news gracefully

I am delurking to post a real comment (unless maybe you have a secret code for what c918t means, then I'm sorry).

I routinely wonder "how did I end up here?". You surely aren't alone in that club!

I've been reading your blog for a long time, you've been through so much. I guess I want to send you a hug from rural NH, and let you know there are people thinking of you and wishing clearer sailing in the warm wonderful summer days to come.

For me, life is always better in warmer weather.

thank you, jess, for opening yourself up like this.

There are so many words to represent this process, this introspection
growth
opening
hurting
sharing
learning
longing
healing

What need of ours does this fulfill? all this introspection.
connection? Telling someone else validates my existence? I suppose all those lucky bloggers out there are ba-da ba ba ba... lovin it.

Jess, live from your own source of energy. Not anyone else's. Yeah sure it means change... you'll let some people go, you'll stop doing some things you currently do, you won't have as much validation, you might not even blog, you'll probably... but wait! WHO CARES!... Guess what? You are not here for people to 'hear, your, story' Or are you?

You get a lot of love here Jess. And accolades to everyone else. But that's not what you need.

Live from your own source of energy. You are... and it's NOT because anyone else says so. What are you looking for by sharing your sadness. What would you do if NO ONE replied? What would you do if NO ONE in town spoke to you?

Stop speculating about yourself. When you speculate about yourself you're sitting there SPECULATING ABOUT YOURSELF! - a writer writing about some fictional you and all the ups and downs and.. STOP!

stop LOOKING at yourself and LIVE FROM yourself, Jess. You might paint a room, dye your hair, enjoy a new book, call in sick, or even (gasp!) enjoy a romp with your ex! (oh my goodness, heaven forbid!....)

...but guess what you won't be doing... that's right - analyzing yourself to death

stop speculating about yourself and live from yourself, whatever that looks like. IN FACT, I challenge you to accept that that's EXACTLY what you did back then. Life is so much more open and flowing then we often allow ourselves to know.

we need to grab a bottle of wine and go sit on the warf. And don't 'do' anything because of this comment from some guy who hardly knows you.

Live
From
Yourself

love u

Gabe

how does anyone get to where they are? all we have to do is look back at the steps we have taken and the choices we have made, that is the answer. if depression is anger turned inward then look at the anger, what made you angry? if you believe that your depression caused the problems in your life then what actions or choices did you make to bring those problems to the surface? going backwards doesn't fix the old problems and we can't "take it all back", or erase our actions. when you are fundamentally unhappy then sometimes you make hard choices that force change, and you might have to accept the fact that it hurts. but at least you were brave enough to make the change, to take the leap. bravely go forth, weather the storm of discomfort and change and realize that by going backwards you will only retrace the steps to inevitability end up back exactly where you are.