beginnings

Good luck to you, Jess!

You have got to be kidding me. You cheated and lied and ruined your partners life, you selfishly tried to die and leave your children to wonder why for the rest of their lives living without their mommy and you have the audacity to TRY AGAIN and put him/them through it all to mend you're own guilt. Give up. For the love of god...MOVE ON.

I am so happy for your whole family. Nothing worthwhile is easy. Marriage is hard for any family, but mental illness takes it's own toll. There are marriages that survive all you've been through. Will it be easy? Hell no! Will it be worth it? You bet! Good luck! and Yay!

I just wanted to drop in to lend my support. I think you are an amazing wife and mother and your courage and honesty is refreshing. All the best to you going forward. You are being thought of!

prayers said, fingers crossed, rabbits foots rubbed, for you and your sweet family. Lots of hard work ahead (isn't there always?,) love, laughter, tears, & hugs. Much hope and faith and well wishes to you and yours!!!

I think it would be more of a disservice to your family if you didn't try. I'm sure that you are painfully aware of all of the risks involved. Forget the haters and keep your chin up!!!

Wishing all of you the best, Jess. The same problems will be there that were there when you were together. It doesn't all just disappear. But maybe this time you'll have the strength to work it out. Sometimes you have to lose something to learn to value it.

Gorgeous photo.

In re: scubabunny comment -- wow. Glass house, stone anyone?

Continued best wishes to you, Jess, and continued thanks for sharing your journey with those of us who are privileged to share in your honesty. Your footsteps in the sand, however painful, make it just a little bit easier for others who share pieces of a similar journey to continue walking.

Wow, there has to be one in every crowd, I guess.

That being said, I wish ya'all nothing but the best Jess. Both of you deserve it.

And thank you for sharing your journey with us. It shows incredible bravery. I'm honored to have met you in Chicago last summer. Thank you.

Shash

I understand that you are going thru a difficult time right now, but I am saddened and confused by your deletion of me on facebook...are you pushing away the people who care, who might be able to offer advise?...or are you isolating yourself in self pity?!...Im not sure...all I know is that I reached out to you and YOU shut me out when I only responded to you because I care....the balls in your court Jess...I hope that you find the courage to contact me...

xoxofiona

Old wise people always say that the things you regret in life are not the things that you did...but the things that you did not do.

I think that if in your situation, I would regret not trying again, when I was old and wrinkled and wise. I think this is an incredibly mature choice for both of you, and wish patience and kindness and forgiveness for you both.

Totally pulling for you and the fam :)

Wishing you nothing but the best - give it your best shot and what it meant to happen, will. You have to try for you and for the kids - what a brave thing to do.

You deserve happiness. Grab it and run....

Scubabunnie...did you miss the part where Jess said they were negotiating a life "together". That implies to me that it is Jess AND Shane's decision. I don't think it's fair for you to speak for him or the children. You are not part of their family. This is for them to work through. Nobody knows every detail or nuance of this situation but the people actually in it. We are mere spectators.

Best of luck to you and your family Jess, whatever the outcome.

Good luck. I really hope this works out for you.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been there and done that. It will be hard... sometimes really hard!!!
But so worth it!!!
xoxoxoxo

Give it your best my friend. It will be hard. And it will happen, or it won't happen. And it will be okay.

Also to scubabunnie, though others have said it in a kinder, more eloquent way, I'd like to give you a resounding Fuck you. (and I'm sorry I cursed on your blog jess....also for the rant). You are not jess, and as such you did not experience what she was experiencing.

See, I also "selfishly" tried to die, and leave kids behind to wonder why, as you put it. I have a mental illness, bipolar disorder to be exact. And when I'm stable enough, the pain of what might have happened eats me up every day. We don't need people who haven't walked in our shoes passing judgement, in particular that type of judgement. It's hurtful, and hateful, and makes you out to be a very unkind person scubabunnie....though since I don't know you, I wouldn't attempt to pass judgement....

If you've got a problem, don't read the blog, it's a pretty simple solution. If you do, do the rest of us a favour, and kindly keep the hurtful comments to yourself.

Phew....end Rant (sorry again jess)

Jess, I'm so sorry you got such a crappy comment, you did not deserve it. I have read your blog and followed along with your journey, cringing and trying not to pass judgment on someone I don't know but who I feel some kinship to. I have at times looked at your recent journey as a cautionary tale of what could happen to me if I don't so the work I need to do in my own life. That may sound like judgment or a criticism but i don't mean it to be.

I wanted to post you this comment in order for you to see that even if there are people reading who disagree with a specific decision or two that you have made (not that anyone understands your life or decisions but you), that we are still supportive and rooting for you the whole way. A big part of me wants to go back in time a year or so and say "Jess, stop and look at what is going to happen!" But none of us know what changing one things would do to the now.

Hang in there. We are praying for you and rooting for you and wish you and your family contentedness, stability and joy. I am thrilled you are trying again and I hope this is a step closer to where you need to be - wherever that is. I will continue to read and hope...and maybe cringe now and then too. But your life is not for me or anyone else to pass judgment on. I am honored that you continue to post and bravely offer us a glimpse of where you are and where you are going. Whenever you want to talk, we're listening.

Jess - yay, and I'm pulling for you guys! It may not be easy but trying again could be one of the most worthwhile things you've ever embarked upon. Life = change, embrace the new!

Scubabunny - stick your snorkel up your...ahem. Or, as my mom used to say, if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Thank you so much everybody. Shane and i realize this is a hard road, but one we feel the need to explore.

Yay to beginnings! Be careful of your heart and be strong, I know you will find what is right for you and the kids.

wishing you the best, sweetheart. really and truly. miss you!
xoxo

wishing you the best, jess. really and truly. miss you!
xoxo

My husband and I seperated and lived apart for 8 months during a(really!)rough patch a few years ago. As hard as those times were, it was exactly what we needed to pull our heads out of our asses and realize what we had together. I'm not going to say that it's been all sunshine and roses beacuse that would be a lie. It's work, but it's sooo worth it.

Good luck, Jess! Life is full of gray matter---there's so much room for development and growth in a marriage (and a marriage with four children, no less)! Best wishes to you and your family.

Another frequent reader who wishes you well. You sound hopeful, and I am happy to see that.
Anyone who hasn't been in your place can not possibly understand, but many of us have.

Good luck, Jess!! :)

Best of luck to you and your family, Jess.

scubabunnie, your the one that is fucked.
If your here to cast stones, shame on you. This a solice place for Jess, one where she can explore her feelings, you CHOOSE to be on here....stop being a stalker and turn your nose towards your own home life. Can you share with us what perfection is?

Jess and Shane, may you find all that you hoped to find the first time around now that you are wiser and wounded and smarter. All the blessings in the world to you.

xoxo

Wow- there is a lot of comments on this subject!
I've been reading for a while, and only ventured to comment recently. Sure, yes, perhaps Jess began this blog as 'a place for solace'. But what does that mean? Is solace always hearing what you want to hear? I read that Jess was embarking on a journey of honesty- and I'm supposing that means hearing some things that are not pleasant, that are not nice, that might sound ugly and hard. But hey, sister, that's honesty. Sometimes it's ugly. And I think as women we are afraid to do that, to be honest- with ourselves and others- we don't always mean what we say, or say what we mean. We say the things that are 'nice' and 'supportive' etc. And sometimes we don't say the hard, cold "ugly" truth, and then wonder why we feel pent up, unexpressed and not heard. So, the "negative" comments might not be welcome, but I don't think that they should be overlooked, or not examined. If this process is about honesty and not about glazing over the surface then the hard stuff needs to be there too. And why, again- as women are we all so hardcore about getting the marriage back? Jess has spoken about her triumphs and her finding her independence and her own feet, finding herself- to receive a just a few comments, but just a few words on the start of the negotiations to possibly bring the husband back and it's like, a explosion- a chorus of 'way to go'. I personally want to validate Jess (although I don't even know her!) for who she is- independently- and that she is her own person and doesn't need the tradition to validate her worth- if this reconciliation was not meant to be then I still believe that Jess is worth the accolades and the support, for being human, for being herself and for taking the journey. We all deserve that.

I'm a very new reader to your blog and I admire your honesty here. I think you are very brave to try to start again. I think doing so proves that you are not taking the easy way out, because God knows it will be anything but, and your willingness to face this head gives me hope that you are moving in the right direction in your life.

I wish the best for your family

Kat

How strange that this scubabunnie person is wanting you to move on, yet clearly you and Shane, together, have decided to try to work it out. Wouldn't moving on be the more hurtful choice, considering that the person hurt the most by this, wants to try again? Wow, people are so weird.

Anyway, I want to wish you both the best. I think that if you both want to try again, you owe to your to yourselves and the kids to give it your very best effort to make it work. I know that Shane has been wanting that for a long time, so I'm glad you've decided to make the effort. I hope you're both able to heal from the past and move forward, together, as a family.

This is the first time I've been to your blog since Lucas was born. I am so happy to see this post Jess! Good luck to you and Shane and the kids...I'm rooting for you.

All the best to you and your family. Big hugs.