minn heima

Each time i hear of another family crumbling. Separating. It breaks my heart a little.

Seven months in to this situation i have only a little perspective. The hardest part is done. People tell me that at least. The initial shock and heartbreak, anger and resentment, hatred and love - having run their course. Like a death. The stages of grief. Losing a family in the way you were used to, it is like a death. The death of a dream of a life of happiness. Children growing, and graduating and blossoming. Adventure and retirement. Slowly growing old together. Becoming bickering and loving elderly couples sitting on the park bench. Giggling, holding hands.

All of those dreams vanish. You attempt to make new dreams. But it is nearly impossible to visualize a future that doesn't exist. That you have no idea who the characters might be. Terrifying. Thinking of yourself old and grey. Sitting alone on that bench.

I don't have any answers to the questions that plague me lately. The worry. Is this what it will be now. Is there something more for me. Will love find me. Give me a tender, wrinkled hand to hold. Someone to share a cup of coffee with on a blossoming spring day.