Could this picture really have been taken 2 1/2 years ago? Did i get my camera that long ago? I still see parker this way. Carrying him everywhere we go. What happened to my life? Everything began to change moments/days/months after this picture was taken. I remember buying my camera, the same day this picture was taken. My life felt full of promise. I was so excited to be embracing this side of me, Again.
Parker. My baby. My partner in crime.
Parker was invited to a birthday party today. The first time he had an invite just for him. The look of quiet pride. The happiness. I melted. Watching my last baby grow up.
My ex-husband (i changed my mind on that - a bit of respect) is, i think, having a vasectomy. Some indirect comments about doctor appointments, a little bit of knowledge about girlfriends, i put one and two together.
I felt so very mixed. Happy that the kids will never have to deal with that whole dad having other kids thing. Jealousy. Happiness. Happy to see some mending of the heart i broke. It's very hard to let go of that life. We have agreed to be friends. And it is working. It is much easier. Because? Because i like that person. You can't spend sixteen years together and not, after all the shit has washed a little, an not, like each other still. At least i don't want to. I don't want to be one of those people who are all up in the "my ex" is such an asshole, such a bitch, such a....
It's not who i am. There are so few people i connect with in this world. People who i feel are true. I am thankful to be able to hold onto this one. Just a little bit.
Posted by Jess at 10:52 PM Permalink
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It all sounds so ridiculously difficult. I am glad you two can remain friends. And sad, and tremendously glad for your Parker growing up. You've got such amazing little munchkins there.
And your life? It happened. Just not in the way you imagined. Imagination sucks sometimes. Rarely, but sometimes. It's still full of promise though Jess. After all, there are a lot of flowers out there to be picked for mom.
Posted by jess | February 20, 2008 11:22 PM