questions

I get a lot of emails asking me questions about various things. Yesterday a woman asked me:

If I can ask, how did you tell your kids? How did you explain it?

She was asking in reference to her four year old. It's hard. For me i have just taken it slowly. Mostly because i don't have all the answers and i've been watching for clues from them as to when they need more information.

When we first separated we sat them all down and told them we were going to live apart for awhile and that we still loved them very much and that would never change.

As time has gone by and it has become more clear that the marriage is over i have taken small opportunities to fill them in. I like talking in the car. They are a captive audience then. Plus, they are relaxed. Sometimes i will just ask them how they are doing with the stuff with mommy and daddy. Or i will ask them if they have any questions. They usually do. Mostly wondering about the houses and how long we are going to live in this one.

A while ago toby asked me "Mom, are you and daddy ever going to be together again?" They are hard questions to answer. I have realized that they just want the truth. The truth in a way they understand, that is age appropriate and no too complicated. I just told him "no, i don't think so." But then he takes that as having a little hope because i said "i don't think so."

"So, you might?"

"Well toby. No i don't think so. I think that this is the way it is going to be."

And you know what? He was happy with that answer. He just wants the truth. Kids need to not be surprised. If you give them the credit of being able to handle the truth better than small lies they will be so much happier. Just like they don't like spaghetti for dinner when you promised pancakes. They don't like uncertainty in their lives. They just want to know what is happening and what is going to happen.