collection of souvenirs

As a teenager Lux lost herself in the small details of her life. She would lay in her bed at night tracing the shadows that danced along her wall. Her bedroom was painted sunshine yellow with a wallpaper trim of daisies. Her mother had put it up for her when at the age of twelve she began having nightmares.

Her nightmares came every night. She would wake up often too terrified to get out of bed. She would knock on the top bunk, trying desperately to wake up her older sister. Cecilia would wake up groggy and crawl into bed with her little sister. She would stroke her hair and tell her to close her eyes and imagine a field of daisies. Something happy. A happy place.

As years went by Lux began staying awake all night. Keeping the nightmares at bay by not sleeping when it was dark. If she kept herself up until the moon began to be replaced in the sky by the sun she would not have bad dreams. Instead she would dream of her daisies and wake after a few hours of sleep to face the teenager day under the haze of sleep deprivation.

The world worked its' way around her while she lived life a couple paces behind everyone else. Noticing the way the boy with the locker beside hers would empty his pockets left to right bottom to top and finger each object gently before putting them all back again right to left top to bottom. The way girls would travel in groups, effortlessly tossing their hair as they giggled and swaggered their perfect hips. Oblivious to the way their happiness tortured those who didn't step so lightly.

Lux began watching the carpet in the hallways at highschool. It was easier than faces. She counted blocks of colour and followed lines of patterns to Algebra. She picked up stubby dropped pencils, hairpins, forgotten notes and love letters. She would arrange them all in a shoebox in her room. Passing the hours at night. Arranging thumbtacks and crayons by colour. Smelling the wax on her fingers.