resolutions 2008

Now that last year is officially behind me i took a few moments today to think about the year ahead, reminisce about last year.

I looked around my home. Taking stock. The kids were running around. Playing doctor with the cats. Wrapping them in bandages, carrying them around on pretend stretchers. I was napping, helping put together christmas gifts, getting tristan's new sewing machine to work. Making snacks. It felt like home. Really like home. Peaceful, calm and happy. Comfortable. Everything i hoped for in my home.

We laughed when someone left the kitchen sink running and overflowed all over the floor. We took turns moping, skating around on the water. Declaring new years day the annual flood your kitchen day. Things that could have been stress provoking being just an accident. Just a part of the chaos.

That is how i always want my house to be. A place where we can all make mistakes. We can fix the things we can and maybe learn something from some others and forgive the rest.

That's my first goal for this year.

My second goal i thought of while i was outside after dinner getting firewood. I looked in through the beautiful leaded glass windows at the coloured lights in the living room, the kids all cozied up in front of the fire it was then that i really understood my new responsibilities. I have to take care of this home and these children. Financially. Emotionally. Physically. For five days every week i am their provider. To do that i have to keep my mental health a priority. I have to keep ahead of the tides that sometimes creep up on me. I have to stay in control. I will do that with medication, vitamins, healthy diet, exercise, sleep and moderation in all things.

The other part is money. I love being a server. It is incredibly fulfilling for me. The food, the atmosphere, the people, the camaraderie with the other servers and kitchen staff. A nightly show. A nightly escape from all the other burdens of life. But, i'm going to be too old really soon and the work is so seasonal. I'll have to be very prudent to make it through the next three months till busy season arrives again. I need to figure out what my next step will be. Maybe school. I'm not sure yet. I'm giving myself this year to figure it out.

Lastly, for me. Just for me. I want to read more, i want to write more, i want to take more photos, i want to finish my novel, i want to go to blogher again, i want to be more social. Return phone calls. Make friends. Challenge myself in one of the hardest ways for me. But, i need to do that. I need friends.

I am feeling positive. This year things are going to be better for me.