i don't see what they see

It has been beautiful this week. The sun shining strong. The moon glowing full in a clear sky at night. Frost covering the ground day and night. The kids have had a good week. They have been happier again. A little more settled. They are with me for six days this week, which has been nice. We are getting settled into routines. Homework, baths, dinner, chores reading books. Things that have been happening all along, but more out of necessity than actual enjoyment.

We have begun some yard work. Seeing snowdrops peeking through. Planning our vegetable garden.

It seemed a good week to start weaning off my medication. I know that medication is vitally important for mental health in a lot of people. One of them has been me. I feel strong enough to try life without drugs. I want to try. I really dislike the idea of being on them. The damage they do to my body.

I'm not saying i'm giving up on them forever. But, originally, my psychiatrist wanted me to go on them to give me the strength to get control back in my life. I feel like i have done that. That it is time to make a go of this on my own.

So far i feel the same as i did when i first went on them. Woobly in my head, out of body. Tummy aches, headaches, fatigue. But each day feels a little better. I'm going down by a third every ten days.

This weekend i am only working a few shifts. I am looking, casually, at a few houses to buy. I'm not sure about that yet. Frightening to own a house as a single parent.