babymoon

Yesterday i was getting my haircut and my cute as a button hairstylist was pregnant. Just starting to show. Due in june. It was really nice chatting to her about pregnancy. First babies.

It left me ruminating and dreaming of those first years of pregnancy and babies. Life was so full of possibility then.

My first year as a mother was one of the best years of my life.

I was a newlywed, a mother, young and vibrant. No money worries. Depression and anxiety had magically disappeared and stayed away for several years. It was a magical, free and happy time. I still celebrate the memory of that time. So thrilled that i got to experience it.

I feel a little bit of that magic now.

Long and leisurely days with parker. Giggling and laughing together. Showers in the morning, him playing in the luke warm water at my feet. Having fun doing simple things like dishes and various household chores. Watching his four year old brain really come alive. Beginning to understand his feelings and emotions. Understanding how to express them. And always his kisses. Leaning over at every opportunity to plant one on me. Snotty nose or not.

In september all my kids will be in school. My extended 10-year babymoon will be over. Another chapter in life will begin. I feel so lucky to have had all this time with them. To have a job that lets me spend all this time with them.

This has been the most challenging job i could never have imagined. And, at the end of the day, as i wander the house alone looking at each of them sleeping soundly. Reflecting on each day. It's failures and accomplishments. I know that the reward. Four beautiful children. So worth the struggles.

Above all. Above everything. I am a mother. It will be my biggest accomplishment. It will be my mark on this world.

Posted by Jess at 09:06 AM Permalink

Comments (5)

mizmouthy

Beautifully said :)

Posted by mizmouthy | January 10, 2008 11:11 AM

Frogdancer

I agree with mizmouthy.
It made me remember when I was in exactly your position. My fourth son was about to start primary school and I knew that the baby time was going forever. (Don't get me wrong, I was wildly excited at the thought of being able to go back to work and earn some decent money ... single SAHM for 4 years by then. But I also knew that I'd cherish the memory of when Connor and I were home alone. )
You don't get it back, but life becomes even better as they grow up. Being a mother is the best thing I've ever done. I so agree with your last paragraph.

Posted by Frogdancer | January 10, 2008 11:30 AM

Donna

I agree with you, Jess, that raising our children into wonderful human beings is an awesome legacy.

But you are so much more than a mother. As this is De-Lurking Day, I wanted to let you know how much your honest writing means to me. The things you write about are not easy, but you do and that's important. And that's only one additional mark you leave in the world.

Posted by Donna | January 10, 2008 12:30 PM

Kim

My baby just went to grade 1 this year (in my world kindergarten doesn't count as 'real school' since it's only 1/2 a day so this is my 'first' year of having all kids in school) so I know exactly how you're feeling right now. It's the end of a major chapter in your life...but also the beginning of another. In more ways than one.

I agree 150% with your comment about motherhood being our biggest accomplishment. I actually believe it's the elusive meaning of life because I can't imagine my life as anything else. It's the hardest job out there but also the one with the biggest rewards. Enjoy EVERY stage because the beauty of life is in the journey, not in the end result.

Posted by Kim | January 11, 2008 12:51 AM

ade

What a treat to read your beautiful post (and these beautiful comments) with our baby kicking away in my belly. It's all just beginning for us. Thanks, Jess, as always, for sharing your insight and your strong, honest words.

Posted by ade | January 11, 2008 04:02 PM