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December 19, 2007

it's a spice girls song

People of the world...

No that's not it.

People of my world. I have returned. Somehow in these dark days of winter. Somehow instead of being bogged down by depression, i have emerged.

I saw myself tonight. For the first time in a long time. I have that fight back.

I will not take the hatred, the fear. I will not take it anymore. I am who i am. I know i frighten you. A real person full of flaws. Full of love. Full of dedication.

In front of my children. Tonight. I took a stand. You cannot continue to try and villainize me. Humiliate me.

I have made mistakes. But i have also done many wonderful things. I have volunteered hundreds of my hours to my community. I have made a better place for my children and yours.

Whether you are with me or against me. It doesn't matter anymore because i know, deep in my heart, that i am a good person.

xx
jess

Posted by Jess at 12:02 AM Permalink

Comments (16)

Claudia

Yes, you are a good person. And you're regaining your strength; that is so good to read.

We see a butterfly emerging her painful cocoon...

Posted by Claudia | December 19, 2007 01:36 AM

Jan

YAY!!

Posted by Jan | December 19, 2007 07:17 AM

Alex

Hi Jess,

This is Alex. We used to hang out at the park together. I have been lurking on your site for a long time. I hope you don't mind. I was so encouraged when I read this post! I have followed you through depression, anxiety, love, happiness, sadness and now separation. I am constantly awed at how you are able to pull yourself from the brink and start again. You are a very strong person.
Never doubt that you have support out there. I should have called or tried to see you, I realize. But I suffer from some of the same insecurity and shyness that you do, and was never sure if my calls would be welcome. Enough about me though, I have stopped lurking because I feel that this point in your life needs recognition. You are strong, beautiful and awesome. Never doubt that.

All my love, Alex.

Posted by Alex | December 19, 2007 07:56 AM

ade

Good for you Jess! I am so glad.

Posted by ade | December 19, 2007 09:58 AM

Denise

Well said Jess and hear ye hear ye it is about time.

Posted by Denise | December 19, 2007 01:21 PM

Neesja

Atta girl, Jess! Keep at it.

Posted by Neesja | December 19, 2007 07:26 PM

Deb

ROCK IT GIRL....this is AWESOME
I am so proud of you and happy for you and your kids.....you are on the right path and this post is the TRUTH.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU

Posted by Deb | December 19, 2007 08:02 PM

jessica

WOOHOO!!!!!

About time you finally realized what we have all known for so long. And good on ya for standing up for yourself too. You deserve it. You are an amazing person, flaws and all.

Lots of love,

Jess

Posted by jessica | December 19, 2007 08:40 PM

jennie

Good for you - standing up for yourself is so important, especially in front of your kids.

Posted by jennie | December 20, 2007 04:33 AM

enaj

stand strong

Posted by enaj | December 20, 2007 06:19 AM

jenijen

good doesn't even begin to cover it -- you're super-awesome and then some
xoxo

Posted by jenijen | December 20, 2007 10:14 AM

Adwina

I didn't know what happened, but nobody is perfect...

And, the most important thing is that you know who you are...a good person.

*hugs*

Posted by Adwina | December 21, 2007 06:10 AM

marian

This kind of realization of self worth will come and go. But bookmark this post so when you have another dark day, you can go back and remember that it's possible to feel differently.

Posted by marian | December 21, 2007 06:15 AM

Marian is right. I've found this to be true in my own struggle for self esteem. Luckily, we'll be here to remind you the next time you're feeling down.

Posted by TB | December 21, 2007 08:20 AM

Chantal

"It doesn't matter anymore because i know, deep in my heart, that i am a good person."

Yeah huh. :)

Posted by Chantal | December 21, 2007 03:50 PM

Izzy

Damn right you are. And I'm so heartened to read this post.

Posted by Izzy | December 21, 2007 04:56 PM