shed some light on me please

I have been clunking away on my ten year old laptop. No flickr, no twitter, no iphoto or itunes. It's been tough. All my coping mechanisms gone. I have ordered a new macbook pro and am eagerly awaiting it's arrival.

I rented a house today. Damage deposits paid. Wood ordered for wood stoves. Furniture to beg, borrow or steal.

A new life to begin.

I have taken a second on-call serving job at a local fine dining establishment as well as being a teacher's assistant at the school part time.

Things are coming together.

And falling apart.

The kids are doing well. I am worried about them. I will do my best. I wake up each morning and think that i am going to make it the best damn day possible for them. I wake up in the middle of the night to find them all in my bed with me. We sleep soundly. Happily together in sadness and fun.

I miss the dogs and the kitty.

Posted by Jess at 07:45 PM Permalink

Comments (10)

schmutzie

You've been out here, as well.
I'm glad to hear about all the cuddling.

Posted by schmutzie | September 27, 2007 08:13 PM

marian

Jess, you sound good. You seem more clear.

Posted by marian | September 28, 2007 04:27 AM

Redneck Mommy

Wishing you peace, Jess. And happiness. May you find both.

Posted by Redneck Mommy | September 28, 2007 09:17 AM

Girlsnap

What a wonderful life you have now! What a bright and promising new begining!

Posted by Girlsnap | September 28, 2007 10:49 AM

Deanna

I left my dogs too, when I left. I still miss them. It's been three years. But it's all I miss. It was the right decision. I pray that yours is the same.

Posted by Deanna | September 28, 2007 12:12 PM

Jessica

Jess,

You sound to me as though you have begun to figure yourself out, putting your needs closer to the top of your list. I am glad for that. Do try not to feel guilty for looking after you. The kids will remember the good times Jess. The way you tried.

I'll be thinking about you.

Posted by Jessica | September 29, 2007 08:08 AM

Beth

just a note. i just moved and was looking to beg or borrow furniture too. look in the free section of craigslist, or free victoria or join victoria free-cycle. all good ways to get furniture and other stuff you and the kids might need.
wishing you the best of luck.

Posted by Beth | September 30, 2007 02:27 PM

Flippy

Could you adopt a couple of kittens (two, so they have company and don't go looking for trouble when you're not home) to save them...and cheer you? I don't know about you, but there's very little that makes me happier than watching kittens playing. If you adopt, I can send you a care package of kitty goodies that I got at SuperZoo.

It sounds like things are coming together moreso than coming apart for you now. It's a fresh start for you, and the kids are probably confused, but know they're loved by both you & Shane. As long as both of you take care to not put them in the middle of anything, I think they'll be fine, but it'll take time for them to feel comfortable in a new home.

I'm impressed with the steps you've taken to take control of your life. I can't even imagine how hard it must be, but you're putting one foot in front of the other and you're doing a damned good job of building a good solid base for your new life. Hang in there - it can only get easier down the road.

Posted by Flippy | October 1, 2007 07:43 PM

Bethiclaus

I have been reading, but have not been commenting, primarily because I didn't think I could say anything helpful. I'm so sorry that this is where you are, but I hope that you will continue to find more peace as days pass.

Posted by Bethiclaus | October 3, 2007 06:05 AM

Belinda

I wish you the best, and keep you and the kids and Shane in my prayers.

Posted by Belinda | October 3, 2007 07:57 AM