And i'm gonna go.
I'll be the one with dirty feet and no pedicure - well some month old blue polish chipping away.
First of all i owe thanks to so many people for big and small contributions which paid for a full conference pass. My dad bought me an airline ticket with his points. And my fabulous food stealing partner-in-crime Jenijen is putting me up in a hotel. All i need is spending money and i'm good to go.
Thank-you all so much. Really.
I know it seems odd, at the very least, or more probably crazy that i'm taking off less than three weeks after my "incident," but i really need to do this. For me.
For me. There i said it. I am doing this for myself. And nothing anyone says can stop me. I never do anything just for me. Despite the bad timing, despite my recent "incident" - i deserve this.
It has been a strange and difficult week. Hardest has been the often harsh and sometimes cruel judgement people have made about me. Friends not able to speak to me. I have been hanging low, sleeping lots, drinking lots of water and playing as much softball as possible. Plus, hours spent talking, playing and hugging my kids. They are going to be okay.
I have been melancholy. Not in a bad way. I honestly feel like the bottom has been reached. Smashed headfirst into. I have nowhere to go but up. It is a great feeling. Every day feels full of hope because it cannot possibly be as bad as last saturday.
Last saturday. It seems very far away. I never thought i could ever reach that point of despair. I never thought i'd be in a place where nurses needed to remind me to breathe.
Thank you all so very, very much for your kind words. Really.
It has helped.
jess
xxoo
Posted by Jess at 03:39 PM Permalink
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I will see you there and not hug you but just say lots of hellos and stuff.
:-)
Posted by Denise | July 15, 2007 04:16 PM