so many questions

awkward hugs from bmore.

Sorry Jess....they were hard questions. As to the answer to mine...thanks for being honest, I know you are tired of people worrying, but I am a horrid worry wart and I care about you, so it is good to hear that today, if even only today you are doing ok.

I wish that people would be more understanding...hearing that you lost friends as a result of the suicide attempt is very sad. I wish I was there so we could get together. I know I love the person that I met on the 4th floor, you are an incredible person.....although I am officially crazy too, so I don't know how much my opinion counts...lol.

Keep on fighting, and have a blast at Blogher, you deserve some fun time.

Delurking for a moment. My heart goes out to you as I can hear the pain you're feeling. While I realize you don't believe in the process, there are very good therapists who can help you heal. You may not think your children know what happened, and in truth they don't know the whole story, but they know something happened. Children tend to internalize and blame themselves. I'm the survivor of a manic depressive mother and it's taken years of medication and therapy to get past the scars. It also took a long time to find the right therapist - one who really listened, didn't let me BS her, and didn't ask me 'how I felt' but really gave me direction on how to move forward and to stop destroying my life. During my childhood, I wasn't aware that she was ill (and wouldn't have known what that really meant) only that there were times that she wouldn't get out of bed or she wouldn't stop crying or she just wasn't 'there' and maybe if I was good enough, she'd get better.

I don't want to add to your pain or guilt, but it would do them a world of good to be able to talk to someone from outside the home who can give them some perspective and an outlet for what they're feeling without worry about the repurcussion of venting those feelings.

I'm sorry if I've come across as preachy or bossy, just wishing the best for you.

Thanks a lot for taking the time to answer.

May I ask more - I haven't read all of your blog - but can you tell me about your extended family and in-laws. What are they like? Do they love close-by? Who is your favourite person in the world (apart from hubby and kids) - and why?

I am glad the little things help at least. If I could, I would take away all of the things that make you feel this way. Somehow.

So glad you like the purse, they were brand-new to Megan's line and I thought of you right away when I saw them!

Thank you for your honesty. After reading your responses, I'd like to ask another question... What is it that you think will help your depression if you don't believe in therapy, pills. Do you think the depression will go away on its own or that you'll learn to live with it? I'm not trying to harp, just genuinely interested and trying to understand. I battled depression about 20 years ago, but not as severe as you. I never wanted to kill myself, but I remember one night sitting and thinking that I really understood why people did. Wishing you happiness and wellness.

Hi there,

I wanted to chime in to say that I am SO impressed with you and your strength of will. And your honesty, commitment to family, education, softball and healing.

Your honesty in this forum has really helped me become more determined to better my own mental health. I'm not depressed, but just trying to become a happier and more loving person.

Thank you.

Just wanted you to know that I was reading, and that I care what happens to you.

Thank you for answering, even though I know my question verged on inappropriate. I figure (hoped?) that it didn't go over the edge of it because you answered it, but honestly, a whole lot of people have click on my name to read the blog of the person who would ask such a question.

While yes, I was concerned about a possible substance abuse issue, that really wasn't why I asked. I truly don't want you to do irrepairable damage to your innards...and I want your meds to have a fighting chance at working. I'm not judging you for your drinking, I don't blame you for wanting to self-medicate. I think I'd rather you chose pot though, as I think it's less damaging all around. You know, if you're going to self-medicate anyway. So, my point wasn't to make you stand up and say, "Hi, my name is Jess..." - I want you to feel better, and I think alcohol combined with anti-depressants will make you feel physically crappy. I know you already feel emotionally crappy, and I want you to make it easier on yourself.

I hope I explained it well enough so that everyone doesn't think I'm some creep who wanted you to fess up to being an alcoholic. That's not my concern at all. Sure, that's a problem in and of itself, but I want you to be nice to your liver, because hopefully you're going to need it for many many more years.

I admit though, when I saw Schmutzie's question, I wished I'd ask that one. I love my Earth Shoes tennis shoes. My surgically repaired back wants to make sweet sweet love to them.