my oldest daughter is ten years old

Gosh. I'm sorry i didn't have the forethought in september 1996 to know that june birthdays are really hard on moms. I'm sorry that june is the very busiest month of the year and i really have had trouble being there for you.

But, my tristan, i love you like no other. You have taught me so many things. How to be a mom.

I'm sorry that every mistake i have made, i make with you.

I'm sorry that you are so darn perfect that i often forget you in the throws of your challenging siblings.

I'm sorry i spent the eve of your tenth birthday in emergency with your brother and you woke up to grumpiness and worry instead of kisses and sunshine.

I'm sorry that you have to be the oldest, faced with responsibility that you are not ready for.

But, oh my god, how i love you. You have a secret that will always be ours. That the most perfect moments in my life, the happiest and most fulfilling, were those first two years i spent alone with you. I have a bond with you that can never be broken. You were my perfect baby. The love of my lifetime.

Because of you and those perfect days i had my other perfect children. If it hadn't of been for you and the intense love we shared, there would be no toby, eliza and parker.

I am thankful for the way you understand me. That you know when i've had enough. That you can help out. Make your lunch. That you can't say "i love you," no matter how hard i try to make you.

I am excited to watch you step away from me. Make friendships that will last a lifetime.

I love you and i know that you know that i do my best.

xxoo