somebody you'll never forget

On my way to soccer on saturday i got a call from an old friend. When i left victoria i lost contact with most of my friends, but it never really bothered me. We would speak once or twice a year and it was always nice and comfortable. They were and are the kind of friends that always remain a part of your life. The memories of time spent more ingrained than distance between conversations.

The same way it can feel when you speak with your best friend from elementary school after not talking for decades. Time just sort of melts away. There is still that sense of family, that sense of love.

My friend called to tell me that my friend Jeremy had killed himself. He said it casually, apologizing. There's no easy way to say something like that. I appreciated the brevity. We spoke for a few moments. He told me about the service on tuesday at Alix Goolden Hall in Victoria.

I hadn't spoken to Jeremy in several years. But i will never forget him and he is someone i think of often.

In 1995 after i was married, before i was pregnant, after my nervous breakdown and suicide attempts i was going through a small rough patch. More a fear that it would never get better for me. Wondering how i could ever be a good wife.

Jeremy was a doorman, well more than that - him and my two other best friends in the world at the time were local promoters in victoria - and i was at a show. I think it was some early incarnation of Hot Hot Heat. Anyway, the bar was quiet and i was there alone and feeling sad. After the bar closed Jeremy and i sat talking for hours. I poured out my heart and soul to him. I told him all the things i hadn't told anyone. How scared i was of life.

He listened. He offered me the best advice i've ever had. He understood everything i said. He had spent a lifetime of ups and downs.

We ended up driving around through the sunrise and i dropped him off in the dawn hours and he made me promise him that i would always be okay. I told him i would. He said sometimes okay is enough.

I am sad that he forgot that, or that he lost okay.