I've fallen and i can't get up

Parker spilled water on my keyboard. It has been rendered useless, unless you count no spacebar as useful.

My laptop, bought on ebay and smelling of body odour, is also dead. I am working to remedy these problems. But, for now i am stuck sneaking into the school late at night to post.

I have been working hard to fix everything that is wrong with my life, at least those things i have control over.

I have been working hard at giving boundaries to parker. Negative behaviour = negative consequences. And, gosh darn it, i will follow through.

I have a docotor's appointment tomorrow and i am going off effexor. I am, more or less, as unhappy or moreso than i was a year ago and all i have to show for it is a damaged liver. Screw you effexor. That's all i have to say about that.

I have been spending the majority of my days at the school in an effort to make sure that toby is as happy as toby can be. He has suffered some bullyish type behaviour and i just won't stand for that.

My head has felt like it is going to explode because i haven't been able to metabolize that damn effexor for several days - screw you IBS too. The effects of withdrawal from this drug are so harsh that i wish i had never started taking it in the first place.

I have patched things up with my husband. The only one that stands by me through everything. I have spent many moments on my knees thinking of the words to write that could sum up my gratitude for having him in my life. He is grateful for me though, of that i can be sure. And yes, i mean on my knees in the dirty way.

I am working to make my life better. I am looking forwards to the spring. My yard is full of life about to bloom and snowdrops promising the spring to come.

I have made it through, almost, another winter.

Posted by Jess at 09:11 PM Permalink

Comments (6)

jenijen

spring is so close

Posted by jenijen | February 6, 2007 11:35 PM

Renee

Okay, I had to go back and read that 'on my knees in the dirty way' part a couple of times.
I love it.

Posted by Renee | February 7, 2007 07:20 AM

yayagirl

jess...withdrawl from effexor is brutal. TALK to me if you need to. i am still on it because i won't allow myself to go through that right now again...or tomorrow, basically, i am putting the misery off. i am only on 37.5 anyway which is the lowest dose as you probably know. it seems to keep me 'going.' what will you do after you go off of it? will you try something else? there must be other ways you can treat your depression other than ones that damage the liver? have you tried a naturopathic doctor yet?

Posted by yayagirl | February 7, 2007 07:34 AM

Woman with Kids

IBS does suck. Hope you're feeling better soon.

Posted by Woman with Kids | February 7, 2007 11:46 AM

jennifer

i've been lurking for a while but reading about your bouts with depression has really been touching as i often fight the same demon.

effexor had previously worked for me, so i had tried it again when feeling on the edge of that chasm. it didn't work and seemed to exaggerate all the symptoms i was trying to fight until i finally couldn't take it anymore. i quit cold-turkey but it made me very ill for a while to do that.

please just be careful and know that you have a lot of people who care about you.

Posted by jennifer | February 7, 2007 12:59 PM

Debbie

My daughter's psychiatrist described an effexor withdrawal plan that included prozac. The prozac lets you get off the effexor, then prozac is much easier to wean from than effexor. What a sucky drug that you can't stop taking! It has, however, worked very well for me. Don't go cold turkey, see if you can get a psychiatrist's help. If the meds didn't work after a couple of months, you should try something different. Everybody has a different body chemistry. Don't give up - that's what the meds are really for! Keep on keepin' on.

Posted by Debbie | February 8, 2007 11:51 AM