this vicinity

Sometimes while the kids are playing or when we are having a really good moment, or a particularly fierce one i sit back and realize that my kids are all creating memories.

The thing about their memories is i can't control what they remember, what little hurtful thing i may say, without thinking, that they will remember forever.

What will their memories of me be?

What are my memories?

Everytime you compare a child's memory of an event to a parents - the two stories are different. The feelings around them. Both are often surprised by how the other remembers an event.

I have talked with my parents about things that i remember that make me smile and things that haunt me.

One in particular is my summers away from my family. My mom often sent me on adventures with other families. Adventures of a lifetime. But, i was (and still am) an introverted child. I always wanted to be at home. I didn't even like birthday parties. So, my mom remembers sending me off to places, some of which she had never even seen, excited for the memories that were being created for me.

When i think about and remember my summer holidays i think of feeling desperately alone and homesick. Longing for my family. Longing for the routine of home.

I remember being sad.

Posted by Jess at 08:10 PM Permalink

Comments (3)

blackbird

what can I say?

I guess it's smart to be aware of with regard to your own kids -

I'm not ass kissy, so you know I won't tell you everything will be okay and that you are making a beautiful childhood for your children - but I will tell you that that memory is proof that we don't always make our kids lives what they are. There are many forces at work.
I'll also say, as the child of a woman with mental illness, that children tend to accept what is around them...without question.

We are who we are.
They are who they are.

I'm sorry. Did I end up talking about me?
It could be about you too.

Posted by blackbird | January 31, 2007 04:11 AM

Donna

I, too, have some very unhappy memories of my childhood and have spent my daughter's almost 11 years trying to ensure that she doesn't have the same. True, we have no control -- but just the fact that you care enough to think of it is probably going to make a difference. And one other thing -- your kids are not you. (I personally take great comfort in that one. I was a melancholy kid.My daughter -- not so much.) Good luck!

Posted by Donna | January 31, 2007 09:04 AM

oh, i know that feeling.

my mum used to be so excited that (in her eyes) i was more creative than her. she used to sign me up for art classes and things like that. but when i wanted to learn to play guitar she refused and said that i didnt have the patience, that 'd give it up, that she wasnt going to outlay all that money for nothing.

but at the same time i guess we do the best for our kids that we can. what i took away from my childhood was to listen to my child - try and make sure i'm doing the right thing. of course, i'll mess up - we all will. but i think you'll be fine.

Posted by mo | January 31, 2007 02:44 PM