a book on a shelf

My state of mind is slipping.

I am overwhelmed.

I am in love with this new little kitty i have. He cracks me up. His wide open paw and arm attacks on everything that comes around the corner. His purr. The way he climbs the screen door beside the dinner table at night while we eat. The way he is sitting here now, hanging off the top of the monitor, chasing every letter i write.

My house is a mess. Actually and figuratively.

I just can't keep up. The demands are overwhelming. I don't talk about the kids school much. Because? I don't want you to know about it. But i am the president there. I work more hours than most of the paid staff. I find it very satisfying. And i think i do a good job. It gets me out of the house. Out of this headspace. But, sometimes? It is very tiring.

I feel a juncture coming. A crossroads.

I feel like i have made no progress. That this winter is proving to be as hard as any other.

I think i need to go to las vegas for the weekend. And meet you there. We could sleep. We could get a massage, i've never had one.

Posted by Jess at 10:06 PM Permalink

Comments (10)

Irene

(((hugs)))
I'd meet you in Vegas anytime my friend. and when I want a massage I lie down on my belly and make my kid gently step on my feet (sole). sounds crazy? I swear it is sooo relaxing.

Posted by Irene | January 10, 2007 01:14 AM

blackbird

no...no...
not Vegas -
to much visual for me.
someplace with a serene vibe.

Posted by blackbird | January 10, 2007 04:11 AM

canknitian

I'm in a lot of the same headspace...and know just what you mean about juncture, crossroads. So Vegas sounds great to me too.

Big hug,
j

Posted by canknitian | January 10, 2007 06:12 AM

karen

I took a trip to the Caribbean by myself when I was in the same headspace. My husband gave me the trip for Mother's Day, although I knew he was actually sending me away. I didn't blame him. I got there and cried for the first 2 days, and then things turned around. It was the best experience of my life.

Posted by karen | January 10, 2007 06:56 AM

Renee

I'll meet you in Vegas. I've never been there, nor have I had a massage.

Posted by Renee | January 10, 2007 08:09 AM

Susan

Sounds like it's time for some domestic assistance in your home. Too many responsibilities for one person. It's not your fault, not a personal failure. Simply unreasonable to expect so much from one person. My husband has a secretary, his boss has him, and so on. The owner of the company doesn't come around and clean up the offices. It's delegated!! I would suggest $40 a week for a teenager to come in and help you pick up for an hour at the end of the day. It will make a huge difference. And stop making it about your failures. Why are we moms so hard on ourselves????? My goodness you are loving 5 people through life. That's just beyond fantastic!!!!

Posted by Susan | January 10, 2007 09:38 AM

yayagirl

jess, I'm not going away. You can't make me. I read you, I follow your life, I need you. I will however, get away for a weekend with you...any freakin' time girl! See? You are stuck with me, like glue...we're two peas in a pod and I need you to be here or I'll be a lonely pea. You take on too much. I take on too much. I just started using YAHOO for a scheduling calendar because like you, I am hugely involved with schools, and all of the activities the girls do. It's working a bit, I feel like it's not all in my head anymore and helps me from spinning. Hugs Jess.

Posted by yayagirl | January 10, 2007 12:17 PM

Gladys

I agree with yaya on keeping a calendar. I keep a small one that it's not a bother to keep in my purse. Even if I have to open it, and see what I have to do 5 times in a day, I do it. It gives me some sense of control to know that I'm on top of the thing that I need to do. I'm also a fan of post its :-)

Posted by Gladys | January 10, 2007 01:37 PM

Chair

I've never had a massage, either.

I miss Job.

Posted by Chair | January 10, 2007 01:44 PM

Mocha

Oh, good God...listen to Gladys. Post its are THE BEST.

I've been to Vegas (4 days is my max - I can't stay any longer because I wonder if every woman there is a hooker. Story for another time.) and I've had massages but I think there is more than that which you need.

It involves lots of talking time, some good strong crying, and bourbon. In any order.

Hugs and "You're normal, Jess" accompany the talking time.

Posted by Mocha | January 10, 2007 04:30 PM