lead me home

I always feel a little sad when christmas is over. It comes in such a whirlwind. A flurry of activities and preparation. It's hard to be in the moment, to really enjoy the days leading up.

And then it is over. The christmas tree sits empty, dropping it's needles, hiding in the folds of the carpet to be found and vacuumed up for months.

But then there is the calm that comes over the house. The kids sedated and happy to play in their rooms, pouring over all the new treasures. Discovering that one last chocolate in the bottom of their stockings.

I have a pile of books to read. I am enjoying lazy afternoons by the ragtag tree, sipping tea, reading books and playing new board games with the kids.

I am attempting to give myself some good habits, say goodbye to the bad habits that have been my burden this year. Less wine. Less lonely nights by the computer. Long walks in the crisp winter afternoons. Alone. Listening to my thoughts while the day is still bright and the sadness that rages through my body in the evening hasn't taken hold. Earlier to bed. Even if sleep doesn't come.

I hesitate to say that these are resolutions. They're not.

They are like my new necklace. Something to remind me that i am loved, i love and i want to be loved.