just another manic monday

I spent a lovely half an hour yesterday talking to the fabulous jenb. Talking to her is like going into your favourite home, comfortable, cozy and easy.

We chatted about kids and blogs and drugs. Notably, the medication i am taking and how, perhaps, it's not quite working for me. My anxiety has all but disappeared. But. But, i am still depressed.

Not all the time. But, pretty much every day my mood cycles through the highest highs and lowest lows. Most evenings i sit alone at the computer, listening to music, overcome by sadness. The type of sadness that has slowly been eating away at my overall well being. My ability to trudge through the days.

Summer has gone, fall has gone. Did i enjoy them? Am i doing everything i can to make this sadness as bearable as possible. I know it will always be around, under the surface. I have come to accept that. But, i need to knock it down a few notches. Put it away for awhile.

And so i will look into increasing the medication i am on or adding another or perhaps switching. The thought of those options sacres me. I am used to the medicine i'm on now. I don't have brain shivers. I can look at food and often even eat it and enjoy it. My only lasting, and probably permanent, side effect is trouble sleeping.

So, all i have to do now is call the doctor, make an appointment and actually go. Hopefully alone. Not with four fighting kids.