i hate you NaBloPloMo

Now i am done.

All i have done for the last nine days is think about writing.

Today?

Today it is killing me. I am writing about the most painful events in my life. I can't sleep.

I am obsessed. Crazed by word counts and uploads.

I am experiencing the highest highs and the lowest lows. It is cathartic. And full of joy. And self-doubt and self-loathing.

Mostly wishing that this life was someone else's.

I am tired of the pain in my head. Of the love in my heart.

I am grateful to have this experience. To put down in words every single thing that has caused me love and joy, and immense pain and sorrow.

I am grateful to this world, the internet world, for bringing me this opportunity.

Although i may not comment like a fiend, or answer all my emails, i am grateful to all of you, to all the blogs i read, to every single one of you who comments (and i always read your blog), i am happy to be a part of all this.

And so, thank you.

Posted by Jess at 10:42 PM Permalink

Comments (13)

blackbird

but you won't go from here will you?

(she says hoping...)

Posted by blackbird | November 10, 2006 04:27 AM

Elizabeth

I'm happy that you are hanging in there even though it is so difficult for you. All the writing, getting the thoughts down on paper, surely it will help.

Posted by Elizabeth | November 10, 2006 05:52 AM

daysgoby

Sometimes having the worst of it out on screen or paper helps? Or it's supposed to.

Will we be able to read your November novel? (Sorry, can't think of the NaNo....and woefully ignorant of the rules)

Posted by daysgoby | November 10, 2006 06:12 AM

jennster

i'm confused.. but what else is new?! lol
HUGS!

Posted by jennster | November 10, 2006 06:59 AM

MontanaJen

...less than a week to the half way mark...

Posted by MontanaJen | November 10, 2006 08:11 AM

ade

Hey Jess, I am struggling too. And somehow I have insomnia. Perfect for such a tiring month, hey? I am thinking of you. Username tulip if you feel like a writing buddy...

Posted by ade | November 10, 2006 08:38 AM

Andrea

See, I didn't even have the courage to sign up for either NaBloPoMo or NaNoWriMo, and I've wanted to be a writer since I was 9. You're doing both. You're heartier than I, lemme tell ya.

Now I know there's someone else out there just as obsessed with writing as I am. It's nice not to be alone.

Posted by Andrea | November 10, 2006 08:58 AM

Sabrina

Thinking of you. Hang in there.

Posted by Sabrina | November 10, 2006 11:27 AM

Tricia

Find the light, look for the bright- and your purple space. The passion.

Posted by Tricia | November 10, 2006 02:29 PM

Chair

Bummage, man. Gosh, you know I love you more than is appropriate, so I'll be missing your daily words but you gotta find what works for you.

For what it's worth, I couldn't sleep last night, either.

Posted by Chair | November 10, 2006 02:48 PM