my head is going to explode

I think the reason i had so much fun in miami is that i was expecting nothing. I was expecting to be sent into some hurly burly sadness and despair.

Travelling to my miami by myself was liberating. I loved running through the airports knowing that i was completely free and in charge of my own destiny. Nobody was watching me to make sure i was okay. Nobody knew me. I was just another traveller. On my way to or from some journey. Another person plugged into their ipod, desperately trying to get an overpriced wifi connection in airports across the country.

Miami was beautiful. A place so different from my home. A place where i could let go of all my anxiety and sadness for a few days.

Travelling home was painful and long - save for a visit with shane's sister, her husband and their very beautiful two month old son in toronto. I held that baby, gently swept my face across his soft and new head, and felt alive and happy.

When i got home and snuck into bed beside parker in the early morning hours his chubby little hand reached out and hesitantly touched my face and hair. Testing to see if it was really me. He sat up in his sleep, gave me a kiss and a hug and settled back into gentle snores. His head resting in the curve where my arm meets my body.

I spent the day yesterday enjoying my children. My head filling with the colds of thousands of miles covered breathing the recycled air of hundreds of people. The head cold is a small price to pay for the days away and the appreciation they gave me for this life i have and share.