dumbstein

Someone searched my blog for dumbstein. I love that word and plan to use it daily from now on.

I am such a dumbstein.

Fall has fallen over my valley. Chilly days. Short days. Dark in the morning when i wake up. Rain every night. Driving to school all the cows and ponies born in the spring look down forlornly at the dewy cold ground.

Last night i lay in bed, my heart full of despair, my brain rattling horrible thoughts.

I felt as though i needed help. I imagined checking myself into the hospital. How i could explain that to my children, the people who see me everyday.

I woke up this morning feeling a little better. A long sleep, made more easy by some clonazepam.

I am trudging through these days.

There has been a cougar in our yard. It killed all my chickens, except for three. My lovely stanley is still alive. Watching over the two last americauna hens. They refuse to go in the coop or the safety of their houses. They disappear at dusk every night. I search the yard and the trees with a flashlight. Hoping to find them. Get them to safety. I never find them. I go out every morning. Listening for stanley's little old english chatter. Hoping they are still alive.

They are. For now.