a million ways to be cruel

The burden is in choosing the right people to help you find the RIGHT diagnosis...
A hard road, but I have confidence that you will be wise.

I can't imagine how difficult this is for you but I can tell you from my experience with my youngest sister who has cognitive development delays and needed speech therapy through fourth grade that once you get a right diagnosis and Toby starts to improve (because he WILL) you will feel a mountain has been lifted from your back.

I have no advice from a mother's point of view, but I can tell you that many years ago many professionals were on the verge of labelling me with something. Of course, in the past two decades the science has moved forward with leaps and bounds, but a label is, as you know, still a label.

My folks made the decision (I think it was a good one, for what it's worth) to just never speak the label in front of me, my friends, adults who were out of the loop, etc. They asked the same of the professionals in contact with me.

The label didn't stick, for different reasons, but there was never any shame, any doubt in myself, and I think it's because of how my folks handled it.

I'm sure there's conventional wisdom out there that will say it was the wrong thing to do, and I tell that story not to suggest that you do the same thing, but to remind you of what you probably already know.

You know what is good for your son, and you will do the right thing. Be stong with that.

My eldest son has Asperger's Syndrome. We didn't want to have him diagnosed, but, funding at school is so important. I'm sure his problems are different to Toby's, but, my boy is 8 now, thriving, knows all about Aspergers Syndrome & how it affects him. It is so hard to accept that your child is 'different', but it sounds like you have accepted this, just as we did(eventually). Anyway, we are all individuals, and some of us just have to work and fight a bit harder than others to get a head start. I hope it all goes well, and things go the way they are meant to and Toby starts to thrive.

This sounds like a difficult decision for you and your husband as parents. I have no personal experience with children and school struggles (yet anyway). But I am convinced that doing the best we can is really all we can do in parenting. If getting outside help is the best, then go for it. Your son is in a loving and supportive family. He has a fighter of a mom on his side. He will survive and thrive. I am glad to hear you are feeling better yourself.

So much good advice in these comments! You're a good mom, Jess, and you have great instincts when it comes to your kids. You'll know what to do and how to work with it. Trust your gut.

To be honest, I read this yesterday and then shut off my brower and walked away from the computer. It was too close to home for me. I get the pain of wanting and needing the help, and yet not wanting to create or cause more of a problem for your child. It is such a hard place to be in because either choice could help and harm at the same time. I'm sorry that we have to deal with these kinds of things. I think it proves how much you love him that you'd struggle with this. I'll be thinking about you, and hopong for the best possible outcome in every and any way.