The strange thing about living on the west coast, aside from all the damn hippies, is the weather. We go through this long beautiful summer. Months without rain. Beautiful places to go and fun things to do. Beaches, lakes, mountains, trees. Every summer there are forest fires and burning bans. And then the rain begins. And it rains for eight long months. Eight long months of dark and dreary days.
The rain has begun. Two weeks ago we were spending lazy afternoons at the lake. Swimming and basking in the sunshine. Now we are bundled up in jeans and raincoats and rainboots. Or, in the case of the damn hippies, wool socks with birkenstocks and shorts.
The rain doesn't bother me. It's the darkness and gloom that surrounds it. Empty playgrounds and packed shopping malls. I hate the mall. People wandering endlessly, spending hard earned money on crappy things made by people who have crappy lives.
I started taking this medication in the sunny, summer months hoping that it would be effective in time for the long season of rain. It's not working yet. The side effects have diminshed enough that i feel more like myself, except for the restless sleep and brain shivers and the repulsivness of food. But, i still feel this overwhelming sadness. Not all the time. Sometimes i'm happy. Running endless obstacle races with the kids until i can barely move or breathe. Watching tv with my husbands arm around me listening to the rain quietly fall outside, small moments of friendship.
But then i am sad. I need to sleep more, eat more and stop sitting up at night listening to sad songs while my family sleeps quietly and happily after long days of school and friends and laughter.
Posted by Jess at 10:26 AM Permalink
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Even down here in So Cal, I hate the short dark days. I was wondering last night how I was going to get though it. I see the time from now until Dec 21 solstice as this endless black period. We can do it.
Posted by Suebob | September 20, 2006 10:46 AM