and so

I'm feeling a little better. Save for the fact that i can feel my hair growing. Every single follicle on my head is electricly charged.

And i feel like i am living on another planet. Sitting outside myself watching the world go on around me. Am i happy yet? No. I have moments of clarity. Little tiny moments where we marvel at the gigantic dragonfly that died a painful death in the netting of our trampoline. And parker asks me again about death.

"what happens when you die mommy? do we eat you?"

The complicated mind of my almost three year old. It pulls me out of the fog in many brief moments throughout the day.

Yesterday morning we were in the shower together and he asked me about my tattoo and tried gently to scrub it off my belly. We melted into a giggly fit of tickles and giggles.

But, i still feel the foggy gloom of sadness and the complicated business of being grown-up. I have been spending most of time at the school, becoming part of the kindergarten class. Me and parker. It keeps me busy and happy to be a part of all the smiling faces, grubby hands stained with oil pastels and flaking bits of glue.