all the cool kids are doing it....

If it's any small comfort at all, I felt like I'd written the part of this post about being a terrible friend. I am too.

I'm not even a good casual acquaintance. And I understand loving people but being uncomfortable talking to them, too.

I'm not proud of that fact, but it just IS.

Tomorrow will be better. It's hard to be optimistic when your stomach is in rebellion and your heart is healing.

DnW

If you need an "online friend", you can sign me up (the, um, 'commute' to visit might put a bit of a damper on a face-to-face friendship - heee!) I'm mid-way through my own post about friendship difficulties this morning, ironically enough.

I hope your tummy starts to feel better, and I hope today is a better day with at least some metaphorical sunshine. I hope YOU will be okay today.

I get uncomfortable too unless I'm really familiar with the person. Hope you feel better soon.

Jess,

I don't know what to say, except that I think of you when I think of friends. Plus, you are totally hot (in the way that my Sophie says it, not like the hotel heiress), and not the less beautiful one, no matter who you are next to. Seriously.

Hi, I came over from Lori 's(occidental girl) blog.

This is well written, and could have been written about me. I know the dread that prefaces the adult interaction, I know the isolation.

I'll come back and check out some more. :)

I love people, but i hate talking to them, but i want to love talking to them because i really love them.

That's exactly how it is for me, except I would add:

And after I talk to them and hate it I feel guilty, evil, completely useless and retarded.

Who wants to feel all that? It is much more pleasant to just stay home.

I'm a terrible friend too.

And I inadvertently set a Google trap by mentioning the name of a guy I knew in high school in a post. It was a metaphorical mention - I was poking fun at myself - but it's the first result that comes up if you Google his name. Oops.

I hope the stomach flu eases up soon.

It's amazing, really, how this Internet brings weirdos like us together. Those of us who are normally socially reclusive and avoid confrontation -even the sort of confrontation that most people would not consider the slightest bit confrontational. I, too, have and do make excuses for missing dates & events. I'm trying to figure out a good one right now, actually.

:^)

It's frustrating when people ask why I don't want to go and they just cannot understand how it feels to be shy like this, to prefer missing out than be an uncomfortable part of the party. It's nice to know that someone understands. Someone that I would definitely feel I could call a friend -even in the limits of the Net.

What an interesting post. I'm a terrible friend, too, but I don't think I feel all that bad about it...I just find social interaction very exhausting. I think some of us are better suited toward a couple long-term friendships, rather than many acquaintances.

After any social interaction, I need some major downtime. Like NinaNina, I now know I'm not a bazillion friend kind of person. I'm close with very few people and I have started to expect less of those I know as just "people", even though they may actually think of themselves as my friend.

I also expect less of myself when I meet people. I just don't jive with all that many individuals and that's okay with me now.

You are an amazing writer, and a very sensitive person. Shane knows something special when he sees it. He is lucky to know you so well. You may not jive with many people other than him, but that's totally okay.

Did I make any sense there?

When I was a kid, I hated sleepovers because I couldn't wait to go home to the quiet and my books. I haven't changed at all really; it has gotten in the way of forming friendships (and where I live, you have to form them fast because people are always on the move) and "networking" (how I hate that word) for business. I'd call it that new term "social phobia" except I'm not afraid--I'm just awkward and reticent. I prefer my pets and my BF. So don't feel alone; it seems there are a lot of us. Maybe it's the ones throwing themselves into too-quick friendships are the odd ones?

I love people. Don't know when I got to be so stupid at talking to them. Just this week I made some real dumbass comments to two very important people. Maybe I'm just taking it more seriously.

I thought social interaction was supposed to be awkward at 15, not 31.

I get it. I do.

I've always had the social anxiety thing. I've never been one to make friends easily. It's good to hear others talk speak up about it as well.

Having said that, I think you need a friendly bitchslap. You are being too hard on yourself and not thinking straight. As soon as you get over your flu, you should get yourself a bunch of chocolate or whatever, march into the bathroom and take a bath while shane rubs your feet for hours. If shane questions this, tell him nicely to shut the hell up and to save some finger strength for your scalp. You could do with some serious spoiling right now. Maybe you could get him to sing to you as well. Repeat this as often as needed.

I'll do it - if Shane's busy.

The bitchslap or the bath? You do the bitchslap, I'll take care of the toes, K? K.

As people have said...I could have written this post.

I don't think I am a great friend or someone to be missed...but I have friends and am truly grateful for them.

Dh and I share most of our friends but are happy with that too...

But there IS people I am looking for....
and this google trap thing is an awesome idea!!!

I almost did the googletrap thing on my last post for my first boyfriend (if you can use that word) from grade school. But I chickened out, which is typical. I can empathize with your wish for friends. It sucks to feel that way, especially when you're a sensitive type. I am so sorry about the stomach flu. Hope you feel better, in all senses, very soon.

I think you would be surprised at how many people out there feel exactly like you do.

I know I do.

I used to have friends but never a "best friend" that I shared my secrets with. Now I have what I call Christmas card friends and a partner that I cannot share my secrets with.

I think that so many of us sensitive writer types blog precisely because face-to-face human interaction exhausts us so. When I first started dating Mr. Stapler, I asked if we couldn't just discuss important things on IM or email because it is so much better for me. He said no; it isn't real interaction. But for me it gives me a way to be myself safely, where when I try to say important things I choke up or cry or chicken out.

I know what you mean by being the supportive second-place finisher. I was always the girl that, when I brought someone I was dating over to my house, they fell in love with my cute roommate - and then felt compelled to tell me all about just how they felt because I was so "nice" and they could "trust me."

You are beautiful, Jess.

I would always rather read a book than do something social! The face to face thing is funny. As a journalist I was able to do it, I guess because it was part of the job. On my own...well...I have some issues. Ok one issue. Shyness.

I like you. You're awesome.

(runs and hides)