wiped out

Jess, this does not sound like fun. I hope the meds situation settles down soon and you begin to feel better rather than worse. Rooting for you...

Jess,

Keep hanging in there while the meds work through your body. I hope you get some relief real soon. Again, I understand every bit of what you are describing. I know that when I'm in your position, and others tell me how they understand the way I feel, most of them do not, and so I'm not one of those people who just says that to make you feel better, I really DO get it, and just keep going every day as you are, being with you kids and drinking your coffee:)

Thank God for coffee. How would we ever get through it all? On my worst days, the smell alone helps to settle me down. I hope everything balances out soon - I'm pulling for you! And I don't think Stepford Wives blog, at least not honestly, so you are doing good : )

I'm saying 'Hang in there' too. I think it's such a good thing that you feel free to document your feelings here. I'll be thinking about you and sending good vibes your way.

I've been where you are now. Those side effects and the time it takes to get used to it can be rough, but you'll get there.

Jess

I've also been there. YOu feel nothing. YOu can't cry, belly laugh or get angry. You can stare into space and not feel and barely hold a proper conversation. Those side effects will fade off and you will not be depressed. You will not be tired all the time after a few weeks. I still want to talk to you about effexor. I am contemplating writing an article for Chateleine about my experience on that drug. I can't even seem to wean off, I am SO addicted. I have insomnia at night just like before I was on it because of anxiety...my body craves it and punishes me when I cut back to less and less. It's all weighing the pros and cons...an addictive drug to help you through the hardest time in your life and be the best parent you can be or suffer and struggle. I know where you are...I'm still there. I have had friends not support me for my decision to go on the drug and talk behind my back, it hurt ALOT. They also didn't live with the horrible anxiety I have had all my life, they got a good night's sleep every night. I would be laying awake in bed 4 nights a week and crying and angry the next day. I can wait till you're ready but we really should get together. I'm here for you whether online or in person, Jess.

I totally get the thinking vs feeling thing. I think I've been sort of running on autopilot, observing the good and the bad, but not really feeling it, for a year and a half (and I'm not on any drugs). The only emotions I feel with any regularity are anger and frustration, horribly often directed at my oldest.

I so hope you pull through this quickly, and I truly hope you'll keep writing about it so the rest of us can benefit from how you do it (and so you can know that there are others going through the same thing).

Don't beat yourself up over the way you are feeling or not feeling. You are not responsible for that.

Take care and spoil yourself until this passes.

Literally, hang on. Some days that's what it feels like -clinging to the 10 minute period where you felt "good". The rest of the time it's like trudging in knee-deep snow just getting through.
I am happy to say I survived it, as have many of us. You will too! There will be a time, gasp, where you will only remember the edges of your depression and panic because you are so busy living again.
So, please hang on!

Your blog is so brave and real, it's what lots of us think and feel and can relate to, so know that you aren't alone and that there are many of us out there trying to get through our days well and do things right, struggling along with you and rooting for all moms to get through our daily challenges, big and small.

I have confidence in you and your ability to make changes that work for you.

The drugs may not be the solution, though I do think you need to give them time to work and to see how that goes. You might end up doing something different.

But the important thing is not to blame yourself if they don't. Just remember that taking care of yourself if your first job, and know that we are pulling for you because we know you are a good and decent person who deserves true happiness and a life full of great things. You are blessed.

I am always here rooting for you. No need to write back, I'm not going anywhere...in fact it looks like nobody's going anywhere. You have lots of support!

Thinking of you. Hope all is getting better.

Thinking of you, Jess. And I hope Parker feels better soon too.