save me

The onset of summer vacation happening simultaneously with my head injury has called to question every last bit of calmness i have.

I try not to yell at my kids, i really do. I can often be found face down on my bed trying desperately to get my heart to stop beating so furiously. These days i feel furious. A lot.

Eliza, bless her little dimples, pushes every single button i have. Constant whining and obstinance combined with her velcro personality is wearing me down. I know she's getting ready for the big leap to kindergarten and acting out and being defiant is her way of working through all her emotions around her impending seperation from me. But still. Where's the love.

I am still continuously amazed at the thanklessness of this job. I have gotten so much more than i bargained for. So much more love, dirt, stress and poop than is humanly fathomable.

I plan every day around the kids. All fun, all the time. Yet, they are so thankless. I know i can't make them understand the life-changing sacrifice i am making, staying home with them. But, it can be damn frustrating.

To further my insanity i am taking them all camping on monday, by myself.

Posted by Jess at 02:07 PM Permalink

Comments (7)

Becky

You sound like such a fun, cool mom! I spend my days trying to figure out how to get my kids to leave me alone :)

I guess it's *possible* that Jamie has been preparing for kindergarten since she was 2, but somehow I doubt it. She's really worn me down, to the point where I sometimes dread having to be around her. Everything is a fight, she cries at the drop of a hat, she hangs on me like a wart, but disagrees with everything. Please tell me it ends soon? If you don't know, lie to me!

Posted by Becky | June 30, 2006 04:47 PM

Nothing I do in a day gives me as much guilt as yelling. Not going to work, not making him go to bed, not saying no to things he wants, nothing. And yet it sometimes feels like the only thing that works when he ignores me, rushes out into traffic, pulls things off shelves, wrecks things that are important to me. Hang in there; we're all in for a long summer.

Posted by n | June 30, 2006 06:03 PM

Jen

Camping? Wow. I can't imagine doing that without another adult. You always just impress the hell outta me!

Posted by Jen | July 1, 2006 02:35 AM

marian

Camping? Alone? Well, hell — maybe it'll be fun! Could happen.

By the time my son was seven, no matter how angelic he is now at 19 (and he is) he had broken me. By mid-afternoon, or sometimes by 7 in the morning, I'd be a crumpled heap, wondering how I would survive his childhood. He was world-class difficult.

Turns out that although I felt like pretty much of a failure most of the time I was parenting him, I did okay. Sometimes surviving them is all you have to do...

Posted by marian | July 1, 2006 06:49 AM

Miss misse

Maybe you should rent a babysitter to come along camping?
Or bring a spouse.

goodluck and have fun, I enjoy your blog and can totally relate.

Posted by Miss misse | July 1, 2006 09:40 PM

MotherHubbard

Don't you mean "Certify your insanity" instead of "Further your insanity".

More Power to you mommy!

I promise there will come a day when you suddenly realize that your "velcro" child is no longer clinging and it is kind of a lonely realization! (then you think "WHAT am I thinking - I can move without the leash - YIPPPEEE").

Posted by MotherHubbard | July 2, 2006 03:29 AM

Occidental Girl

Velcro personality...I like that term.

I have a 5-year old with one of those. Still trying to figure out how to detach, ever so gently, just sometimes. Argh!

Posted by Occidental Girl | July 3, 2006 01:06 PM