The flu. I got the flu on friday night. Actually, i'm not sure it was the flu, more accurately i think i fell into the exhaustion trap. Sad hearts, staying up late and middle of the night anxiety attacks caught up with me and i woke up saturday morning with tummy pains and a body that ached. Unfortunately my brush with millionaires and a chance to snazzy up in my fancy shoes and pretty dress was set to happen saturday night.
I stayed in bed all day hoping to feel a little better. I didn't really but had a long hot shower, took a bunch of tylenol 3's and gussied up as best i could. The "gala" was interesting and could have been fun if not for my rumbly tummy and foggy head. We were seated at the head table which proved to be the best table to be at during the "live" auction.
I learned something. Rich people? They are more than willing to spend $2000 for a pair of drumsticks used by metallica. And hey! It's fun to be a part of that action. I came very close to winning a bid for a parking spot at the private school the gala was on behalf of when i sneezed and raised my hand at the $1400 mark.
But, i made it through with as much grace as possible and completed part one of my six fingered plan to employment.
I spent the rest of the weekend in bed reading blogs and catching up on mommywars! And? I just don't get it. Is this really a new battle? Am i not seeing it? Working moms vs stay at home moms? As far as i can tell this battle has been going on since my mom had children.
The thing of it is though. The thing that really bothers me - and this is not a revelation - most of the moms weighing in are parents to one child. I understand that it is always hard to leave a child in care and go to work, that the decision is one that is often made by financial necessity, the desire to have a life outside of the home, to have value in society because we all know there is little value in being a sahm.
But, when you are a mother to two or more children every decision is made more difficult in leaps and bounds by the children you have. When you have three or more children staying at home becomes more of a necessity, at the very least, while you still have babies. And when you have multiple children you have babies for many years. Every single one of those years that you stay home you become less employable and lose more of the you that once existed. It's not as simple as dropping a child in care somewhere while you get your feet back in the waters or take care of your own needs. Your needs are put on hold for a long time. A simple exercise routine is held hostage by multiple drop offs and pick ups, after school activities, cleaning, shopping, cooking, entertaining... on and on. The mere thought of organizing care for multiple children with complicated schedules becomes so financially burdensome that staying home becomes the best option - for the family. Once again, as the mother, your needs are put last.
Now, i know i chose to have lots of kids and my burden is my own. Yet, everywhere i look the best opportunities are being given to the mothers with one child. The best blogging jobs, the highest traffic, the speaking opportunities. I'm speaking solely about the blogosphere now. Mothers with one child have the most time to devote to blogging and, as such, are heard the most. But, those experiences that were once mine don't represent my life, or lots of others, at all. We know how to take care of toddlers and what to expect from the early years of schooling. Not that these aren't still difficult times, they are just not surprising anymore. And no, i haven't made an effort to make money off this whole thing. That's not why i do it. But, i am frustrated when i hear of great mothers not getting them.
What am i saying? I'm lost in the muddle of my words. But, i think that the mommywars are being played out by a group of parents who don't represent the rest of us. Those of us with more than one child. Those of us who are deeper in the trenches.
Posted by Jess at 01:09 PM Permalink
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the best opportunities are being given to the mothers with one child. The best blogging jobs, the highest traffic...
I'm old!
And have not so interesting kids who aren't babies!
No one much is interested in what I have to say.
Posted by blackbird | May 1, 2006 02:25 PM