refiguring

Can we figure this out together somehow?

I don't know how to transition myself like I am supposed to. I'm going through the motions - starting a career for me, etc... but I feel off. Like I'm watching someone else do it.

You do it the same way you did it when they were babies. One day at a time, with one foot in front of the other. And as each day passes, and each hurdle crossed, you will find that you are doing it just as well as having babies. Maybe even better!

You're a good momma, that doesn't change because you no longer have someone gnawing at your breast.

I feel a little lost myself this weekend - my daughter is gone for 4 days camping. Three whole nights and four whole days. It's been a bit strange adapting. She's always here, well maybe a sleepover somewhere or a couple of nights camping with her Cub pack, but 4 whole days suddenly seems like alot.

One breath, one step, one minute at a time...

don't think too much.

I agree that it's a really hard transition. When you're nursing babies, you know exactly who you are. And you don't have to justify your existence in any way because what you are doing is so primal and important. As they grow up, though, you're still expending the same huge amounts of energy (physical, mental, emotional, creative) as you were when they were babies, but you are somehow also expected to be doing "something else" simultaneously, to earn a living or justify taking up space.

Only in my experience, there's no energy for it! And you need energy in order to have that awareness of yourself, and that sense of who you are.

So, no advice, but don't be too hard on yourself. Over the next few years you'll begin to get a sense of your "new" self. It's gradual, but it'll come, and you'll enjoy it very much when it gets there.

You take it one day at a time, doing what you're doing now...being an awesome mom. I can imagine it's a hard transition for you, on several different levels. You'll get through it and you'll learn a lot about yourself and your kids along the way.

I've been going through very similar feelings. This winter was tough for me, too, but I've been feeling better the past few months. I'm feeling a little adrift vocationally, though I know that mom of three boys under 6 should damn well be enough for right now.

Know what gives me a secret little smile? Dreaming about what I want to do next. When I was 18 and making decisions about colleges and majors and all that whatnot, "the future" seemed like this vague notion. I couldn't even envision it, let alone make wise decisions for it. Now that I've got a lot more miles under my feet, the things I want to do with my life are so much different than they were half a lifetime ago. So it's fun to dream again...what do I want to be when I grow up? I'm considering lots of things, most of which will require some reschooling on my part...but that sounds like an adventure, too.

Of course, most of those options are a few years away, when the boys are a little older and in school. But just knowing that my options aren't closed is good enough for now. Rather than dwelling in what could be the ennui of the now in my vocational life, I choose to look forward with the excitement of the teenager I once was...and I hope, still am in spirit.

I get the same questions once in a while, and the best advice I got was to just enjoy. we all crave a sense of identity, meaning and purpose. and it will come one day. at least that's what I hope. but for now sit and look at the amazing, beautiful family you've created, breathe, and enjoy.

I could have written this myself. The only thing different is that I 'm not sure I'm out of the depression of winter.

I know what you mean. I am quitting my job this month to stay home with my daughter. I have never been home with a child before, except for those first four months. I am asking myself the same question, plus, what do I do now? How do I keep from feeling isolated and lonely?

Take it one day at a time. Recognize that it's a transition...give yourself time to mourn the "loss" of baby-times, then enjoy the new, bigger kids! I guess I could listen to my own advice.

I know just exactly what you mean.

I have the same fears. Just when you sorta figure out the mommy thing, the kids grow up and want more freedom and then it's time for you to figure out what you gotta do. I'm already fretting about it and my kids are 2 yrs and 7 months! SHEESH. I hate when my hubby asks, so what do you wanna do when the kids get older. Waaaaahhhhh.