ABOUT ME

« i'm not even gonna check for typo's | Main | show and tell: junk drawer »

April 13, 2006

okay, so skip that

It's morning now and i'm feeling better. I can do this.

I was speaking with a friend the other night about how different our children's personalities are. As we talked one thing really stuck out for me.

I have completely different expectations of my girls than i do of my boys.

I allow toby and parker to be more emotional, to push the limits more because they are both more affectionate with me. They display their love for me easily and without hesitation.

Both my girls are a bit more difficult. Neither of them have ever been super snuggly or can even say the words "i love you." When they do sit down beside me and try to snuggle up it's always awkward and uncomfortable. They don't fit easily in between all my lumps and bumps.

In turn, i push them harder. Have very high expectations of them relative to their age.

Now, i know that i haven't really explained how these two things are connected: affection and expectations. It's more the smacking reality when you suddenly realize that you are treating your kids differently and those differences run down gender lines.


Posted by Jess at 07:49 AM Permalink

Comments (6)

MommyMaki

My kids are polar opposites. Boy is very cuddly, girl very not. I always said that I wouldn't treat them differently based on gender but I see myself doing it already. I try to stop and correct myself since they are both young to know better. It's very hard though! I mean why do I save the toy car for the boy and give the girl the toy stroller? Bad, shame on me. I wonder how it will change as they are older. Just be conscience about it, I guess :)

Posted by MommyMaki | April 13, 2006 08:53 AM

christle

Maybe...just maybe, it's our unconcious way of preparing our girls. Darwinian feminist parenting for girls, how to be everything for everyone, modern day woman training? How frightening!!!!

Posted by christle | April 13, 2006 10:20 AM

Redneckmommy

I have the same problem with Fric and Frac. My hubs pointed this out to me and I cried for days, fearing I have sentenced them both to years of therapy. Perhaps I have. I am now consciously making an effort to treat them both equally. Still, the disparity is and was alarming for me. I don't want to raise a mother-hater like my mom did.

Posted by Redneckmommy | April 13, 2006 10:32 AM

moe

My boys are more emotional than my agressive girls. Isn't that backwards? I just hope my boys keep their sensetive ways.

Posted by moe | April 13, 2006 10:57 AM

melissaS

Gah, same thing here with my son being more affectionate and cuddly than my daughter and I believe it's always been that way.

Posted by melissaS | April 13, 2006 02:13 PM

marian

For me it's a feeling that girls "can take it." That they're stronger, somehow, and have more resilience. Isn't that odd? The feeling that goes hand in glove with this one is that boys are more vulnerable, less able to manage, and need more help.

It's exactly backwards from the more superficial definitions, but it's a kind of weird deep-seated thing. I'm not saying I think it's right. It's just there.

Posted by marian | April 14, 2006 06:04 AM

Post a comment

Best Buys!