I've been dealing with all kinds of heartache that i can't talk about, but in the interim things have been going great. I love spring. No, you don't understand. I spent the entire winter living just barely on this side of such sole crushing sorrow that i thought i wasn't going to survive. That life would never be the same for me.
And yet, here i am. Walking tall, collecting frogs at the river, inspecting every flower as it peeks through the soil, eagerly awaiting the birth of our chicks in ten days and generally enjoying every little detail of life. Including, of course, my beautiful children. I love spring.
You know what i don't love though? Being broke. More specifically being at the grocery store check-out knowing that you only have $85 in the bank and watching all the produce items check out at slightly higher than anticipated. Then, of course, the humiliation of having to put back items when you know damn well that every single one of those items is much needed, yes even the $3 belgian chocolate bar. I'm female dammit. I need chocolate during very specific moments and it has to be there when i need it.
Anyway, this happens to me pretty often. I'm wondering if i'm the only one. Judging from the scorn i get from the cashier i am definately a royal pain in the ass and making me feel bad about attempting to live without credit and within my means is totally okay and even encouraged. It's the same as all the people who make you feel like crap when your two year old throws a hissy in the middle of the automatic doors and won't get up.
But i will not let them wreck my fabulous spring. Even if it only lasts a few days. This spring is awesome, with or without credit.
Posted by Jess at 08:30 PM Permalink
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Wow sometimes we are sisters under the skin-( "no-one" I tell His Cheapness, lives within their means but apparently "WE DO") And I must say, having tried 6 years as a very very poor hand-to-mouth single mom, this way is better- the little humiliations like that beat the sinking "OMG, the credit card debt just gets bigger and bigger and there is no fairy godperson" feeling. Anyway, the checkout assh..I mean person, is probably just irritated at having to think and pay attention for a nano second- it probably isn't personal!
I am having a rough April- this is my son's death month, but Spring has it's great healing powers at moments, even with this burden that I never get to put down.
Here is a virtual chocolate bar anyway, in solidarity.
Posted by Grammacello | April 26, 2006 01:57 AM