It seems that i can't leave the house these days without really pissing someone off. Everybody is mad at me.

Except parker and eliza. Eliza has declared herself the organizer of spring. Every morning after tristan and toby head off to school she comes up with our plan for the day. Three days this week the order of the day was a park at a local river complete with suspension bridge and frogs. Lots of frogs. One morning we made the mistake of taking the dogs who scared every little frog away to froggy hiding places. Today though the frogs were in full spring bloom.

My family is not speaking to me, nice people have sent me nice emails and i've answered them all wrong or not at all, parents at the school are mad at me and they're taking it out on my children and i pulled a muscle in my thigh playing softball last night. I forget about these things as we go about our simple daily adventures. But they are always there too. Weighing me down.

I'm not used to people being angry with me. I'm a nice person, a little odd sure, but gosh darnit people like me. So, if i've managed to piss you off too please forgive me i didn't really mean it.

My street is beautiful, but, there is nothing to see but trees and green stuff. When you turn onto my street it is a one mile long loop. Each house has a two acre parcel. Our house backs onto parkland and a river, so it's more like ten acres. We have a well and a septic field. All of these things totally freaked me out when we moved here from our comfy urban dwelling.

Anyway, when you turn onto my street you see this. Our house is on the right over top of that hill.

This is my favourite house on the block. They have an outdoor swimming pool - my dream. You can barely make out the blue slide on the left.

This is my new neighbours future home. They are building the house from the trees they cut down on their property - plus a few of ours.

This is what you see on the other side of our driveway:

Show and Tell is brought to you by the lovely and fabulous blackbird.

I have this ongoing problem with toby. He's obsessed with guns and army. Somehow in his boyhood imagination the army and guns have become the most desirable answer to all of his questions.

"If there is an earthquake the army will save us."

"Apparently there IS such a thing as a net gun. Did you know that mom?"

When he brought home his pottery from his class a few weeks ago you can guess what he made right? Lots of guns. Except, of course, they were not guns when i asked. They were beavers and puppies that just happened to look like guns. Tristan though? She came home with puppies she had made and big piles of brown clay puppy poo. Of course, that was not poo either - just chocolate ice cream.

I always explain to him that i don't like guns. Guns kill people. We are lucky to live in canada because guns are not really a threat to us. People use guns for hunting, but we don't believe in hunting either unless it's for the purpose of survival.

I've even gotten upset, which i know is absolutely the wrong tact to take. It just really bothers me. I am strongly, no vehemently opposed to guns anywhere.

He is starting to get the message.

Yesterday, he came home with piles of boxes and other recycling stuff. He disappeared with his glue *gun* and an hour later came marching into the kitchen to show me what he had done:

"It's not a gun mom! It's a space shuttle!"

Right.

Just to clarify. I am not destitute. That is definitely not the image i am trying to portray. We live paycheque to paycheque. We are often broke, or run out of money before payday. Mostly because we have extra healthcare expenses that most families don't have to deal with. But, i live in a wonderful house on a beautiful piece of property on one of the most gorgeous islands anywhere. My children are happy, clothed and fed. We live a life full of adventure and fun and laughs and tears. I really couldn't ask for more and feel so very fortunate when i think about all the financial and political hardships facing people all over the world. I also feel lucky to have this place to talk about the small problems, and i know they are small, that challenge me every day. I do believe that "every road is a hard road" at times.

That being said i have been considering going back to work. It would mean giving up some things. Like being president of my kids school which has been one of the most fulfilling things i have ever done. Being president has also given me the opportunity to be invited to a Black Tie Gala this weekend as the guest of a local millionaire. Another opportunity to wear my fancy high heels i bought at christmas. But, i digress. I have been thinking of going back to work. It's just a thought right now because the hurdles of childcare and keeping my allergic eliza safe have seemed insurmountable. I am working the plan though.

With every child you have these decisions become so much more complicated. My children, obviously, are very opposed to the idea. Tristan says "but you're already a junior writer!" Part of me wants to work for the escape and part of me wants to be accepted by the world outside of this as something more than a mom, something with value. Something like blogshares where i can go and see my value in concrete numbers. I make this much money which makes me worth this much in comparison with others. Always the need to compare. Also, i went to university. I had a plan. I didn't figure into that plan how much i would love and need to be near my kids and how much they would love and need me.

Anyway. I have a plan. I will unfold the details right before your eyes.

I've been dealing with all kinds of heartache that i can't talk about, but in the interim things have been going great. I love spring. No, you don't understand. I spent the entire winter living just barely on this side of such sole crushing sorrow that i thought i wasn't going to survive. That life would never be the same for me.

And yet, here i am. Walking tall, collecting frogs at the river, inspecting every flower as it peeks through the soil, eagerly awaiting the birth of our chicks in ten days and generally enjoying every little detail of life. Including, of course, my beautiful children. I love spring.

You know what i don't love though? Being broke. More specifically being at the grocery store check-out knowing that you only have $85 in the bank and watching all the produce items check out at slightly higher than anticipated. Then, of course, the humiliation of having to put back items when you know damn well that every single one of those items is much needed, yes even the $3 belgian chocolate bar. I'm female dammit. I need chocolate during very specific moments and it has to be there when i need it.

Anyway, this happens to me pretty often. I'm wondering if i'm the only one. Judging from the scorn i get from the cashier i am definately a royal pain in the ass and making me feel bad about attempting to live without credit and within my means is totally okay and even encouraged. It's the same as all the people who make you feel like crap when your two year old throws a hissy in the middle of the automatic doors and won't get up.

But i will not let them wreck my fabulous spring. Even if it only lasts a few days. This spring is awesome, with or without credit.

So, three weeks ago it was freezing. It was actually snowing. And today, today the girls went swimming in the lake. It wasn't like polar bear swimming either. It was a sunbathing hot day at the beach. The water was freezing. But it felt so good to be out, not in the rain, warmed by the sun, playing in the sand. We rushed home for a quick dinner then we had our parents team softball game. All the kids played in the woods while the parents had a great time too. Such an awesome day.

I have way more to say but my wrists are on fire again. So instead here's another photo (more at Flickr!)

I went to vancouver and i got a haircut (see up there) and i got a sad heart.

But then! I came home and it was spring and not just spring but practically summer!

Today we took the hammock out and i worked in the garden. I even raked up all the little bits of gravel from the driveway that had worked their way down the steps at the side of the house and filled up pot holes on the driveway.

Holy crap. Now THAT is exciting!

Seriously, when i am away from my home and shane, i lose all touch with reality. With the things that are important. The little beings that fill my heart with joy. The husband who loves me and i love to bicker with and make up with. Who drives me crazy by hanging his towel over the shower door every morning instead of on the rack when he know's i'm going to come in right after him and have to hang it up. That's what family is. Stinky socks, smelly morning breath, tickles in bed and toilets flushed while mommies are in the shower.

Parker is still trying to kill me. Seriously. Every night he wakes up several (and by that i mean at least six) times before i even get to bed. It is so frustrating not getting more than twenty minutes alone. But, you know, life is short and so am i. So today i realized that soon enough all of this will be over. Parker will be 3 and then 4 years old and i will have no more babies. I need to cherish every single frustrating moment like it's my last. Because it is.

I am attempting to block some ip addresses, but i am hopeless and useless with geeky stuff. If i block you please email me and let me know. This really only applies to those of you in british columbia!

Everyone else shooooo. Go enjoy your weekend.

but this makes it okay

Seriously, i thought i had seen it all when it comes to kids and toddlers. But parker? He is kicking my ass big time. Even his adorable cuteness and giant hugs and kisses and eyelashes from here to there are wearing thin. Perhaps it's the visiting of family or the huge surge of hormones that had better damn well only be my period coming, but the boy is hell on wheels. Or anger turned up to 11.

Today started out well enough, we set out on a morning of visiting with cousins and shoe shopping (them not me unfortunately.)

We went back to grandmas for lunch and down time before i left for my haircut. I have short hair and in my entire life and numerous tries i have found one stylist that can cut my very thick, coarse and curly hair. She is in vancouver. I make regular visits to my parents house under the guise of family bonds so that i can get a decent cut. Parker, being parker, is not only a mockery of the terrible twos, but also, very clingy - suffering from major seperation anxiety. Damn that attachment parenting again. So, parker comes with me on my cuts.

Today's appointment came at that ungodly time; the time when toddlers should be napping but refuse to and are thus rendered incapable of anything but emotion intense.

The minute we walked in the salon he slammed his matchbox cars on the ground and began screaming and crying. He beat me about the chest as i was getting my hair washed and my stylist, bless her, still tried to give me her wonderful neck massage during this scene. What a total waste of the best thing that happens to me without the expectation of canoodling.

I had booked an appointment for a cut and colour. But quickly resigned myself to just the cut and we all know that a great cut can only be awesome when highlights are attached.

The afternoon continued in similar fashion reaching it's logical conclusion when my 91 year old grandma came to visit in the middle of massive temper tantrum number 12. She lasted 4 minutes before she braved the steps back out of the house with a quick wave to my nasty son and slipping ten dollars to the other three for putting up with the beast.

Tomorrow home. Putting ad in paper under "free for all."

The kids and i made a much needed escape and are spending the week in vancouver at my parents house. After so much sickness in the past few weeks it is lovely to be taken in by my mom and all i have to do is take care of my kids. She cooks and cleans and does all our laundry every day. If i'm lucky i'll get a few naps in with parker as well.

The kids have this week off school. I'm not sure why? Nobody else does, but we have our second spring break in less than a month. I always prefer them home with me than the hustle and bustle of school and activities. So the break comes at a perfect time. Plus? All the kids in vancouver are in school and it's not quite tourist season so we can visit all the kiddy places like the aquarium and science world in relative peace.

My mom and i spent the evening knitting (her), vegging on the couch (me) and gossiping about our family. A refresher in mother daughter basics.

I'm mentally numb. All the sleep deprivation from the past few weeks has caught up with me and judging from the haggard looking woman i see in the mirror it has kicked me in the ass.

I stole this meme from blackbird. Because i love her and her great clothes.

I AM: tired and suffering from low self esteem.
I WANT: to look fresher.
I WISH: i felt more comfortable in my own skin.
I HATE: violence.
I MISS: my husband.
I HEAR: wolf parade "this hearts on fire".
I WONDER: when life will be a little easier.
I REGRET: all the times i've yelled at my kids.
I AM NOT: crafty.
I DANCE: with my kids.
I SING: in the car.
I CRY: very rarely except when i'm pregnant.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: patient.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: dough, lot's and lot's of dough.
I WRITE: often, but with very bad grammar - i almost bought "shoots, leaves and scores" on the ferry today.
I CONFUSE: the kids names with the dogs a lot.
I NEED: new sandals.
I SHOULD: show my parents how much i love them.
I START: an exercise program regularly.
I FINISH: everything, but exercise.
I TAG: chair and marian and T.

That picture reminds me of some U2 cover or something. I can't quite recall. They look thrilled though, no?

We left the country today to go to the city and visit the little farm animals at the petting zoo. The irony was not lost on the kids either.

The difference was that we actually knew the names of all the breeds of chickens and when we were watching the ducks and a boy jumped on a girl tristan yelled "he's fertilizing her!"

Some people nearby doubled over laughing, but really she was exactly right. That's how eggs get fertilized. Then we went on to the bunnies and toby said "look african chihuahuas!" Huh? The same people heard this one and laughed really loud and said "those kids crack me up!"

They crack me up too.

Except maybe parker who lately has become this monster two year old. He screamed in bed for an hour last night because he wanted;

"JUICE!!!"

"I REALLY LOVE JUICE!!!!"

"MOOOOOMMMMM! JUICE! PLEASE MOM!!"

Whoa nelly is he stubborn. He's been throwing so many extended screaming fits that his voice is hoarse. I am at a loss. I don't remember my other kids being this way. I say that a lot. "I don't remember it being this hard last time?!" Since the day we found out he was coming that line has been whimpered, spat, cursed and lovingly spewed from my mouth on an almost daily basis.

Oh how i love him. "His persistance is his best quality." That's what toby's preschool teacher said to me once. We dropped out soon after.

But, we had a wonderful day. Petting zoo, stroll in the park, playground, bird watching, snacks in the park, another playground, bare feet in the sand, the good bookstore at the mall, new books all around! and then dinner out and drive home.

As we were pulling into our driveway eliza said "mom, you're a really good mother."

Who needs anything else?

Still (knock on wood) no lice on the kids heads, but the chickens, my god the chickens. I have the worst case of heeby jeebies ever. Seriously.

The lady i bought my chickens from had some heavy duty spray that she sprayed on their butts (vents) and necks and then declared them "lice free for six months." I need that spray and nobody has it. I know not many of you are chicken owners, but please! I need the super toxic lice killing spray.

Fork it over.

Actually, heh, in an interesting turn of events the kids and i are off to vancouver for my quarterly haircut and shane will be left to deal with this problem for the next few days.

I'm not really kidding anybody here am i? He will do exactly nothing except toss them some food every now and then and, hopefully, lock them up at night and let them out in the morning.

Well, happy easter to all you slacker husbands and your hard working wives.

We had a wonderful 6 1/2 minute easter egg hunt followed by one of the most relaxing days ever for this household. We turned off the computers and the television and had a lazy day of crazy eights and cooking.

Tristan helped me make shane's families traditional easter dinner: ham and kilkagh (any help spelling that would be appreciated). Kilkagh is a mennonite dish that is the one dish that is most likely to kill you. Homemade pasta cut into one inch strips in a sauce of whip cream and butter - any extra sauce is poured gravy style over the ham. Very delicious, but must be eaten in very small quantities or vomiting will result as i learned the hard way many years ago.

Bellies full of sugar, chocolate and high fat foods all the kids have settled in nice and early for the evening.

Last night shane and i had a pretty big fight. Well, big for us, there was no yelling, only a little bit of crying and he stormed off to bed in a huff.

Huffs are his thing.

Once when we were dating we were in a pub in a less than desirable location in vancouver, apparently i said something that offended him and when i got up to go to the bathroom he stormed out in a huff and took the bus back home to his parents house. Loser.

Anyway, the basic argument was that i am tired of being the man and the woman in this house. Not only do i need to guide all these decisions on our childrens health and schooling, be their mom day in and day out, i also do every single other chore living as a family in a house requires. I do the cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping for food and clothes for everybody, arrange for things to be fixed, handle the money, mow the lawn, take out the garbage and recycling, do all the yardwork, start the bonfires for yard waste, take care of the chickens, on and on it goes.

He thinks that this is completely reasonable. He takes care of bringing home the money.

He works very hard, don't get me wrong on that. I just can't take it anymore. I go through this pretty regularly. Feeling mad and taken advantage of. Then it passes. We have a nice time together. That's the thing; we really love each other. So, it's hard for us to argue.

Plus we are both stubborn as hell.

It's my fault though. I know that. As the years have gone by i've assumed more and more of the burden of running the house. Just let him slide by. He thinks he does plenty. Thinks my expectations are not reasonable. I think it's not reasonable that while i am running around cleaning and doing laundry he is laying on the couch reading.

What do your partners do? Are they keeping up their end of the responsibilities?

Aaaahhh. The junk drawer. My philosophy for keeping my house somewhat tidy in the midst of four trinket loving, junk collecting kids is to stuff everything in to closets and drawers. As such i have three junk closets; one for art supplies, cleaning stuff and various sundries including 80 empty bottles leftover from our only attempt at home brew wine, then we have the way too many toys closet and, lastly, the closet full of shoes, coats, muddy buddies, snow suits, hats and mitts.

I have one real junk drawer, but one could argue that every drawer around here is a junk drawer.

Clockwise from 12:00 there is felt pads for chair legs, nightlight bulb, a toolset, emergency blanket for the kids earthquake kits at school, cover for the ear thermometer, "nonuttin" granola bar, penny wrappers, salbutamol for the nebulizer, batteries and screwdriver, pulmicort for the nebulizer, instruction manual for my camera, magnet sticker things, shane's back brace and water paints.

I'm sure there is much more under that top layer. But it's really just a mix of various things that i don't have anywhere else to put.

Show and Tell is brought to you by the lovely and fabulous blackbird.

It's morning now and i'm feeling better. I can do this.

I was speaking with a friend the other night about how different our children's personalities are. As we talked one thing really stuck out for me.

I have completely different expectations of my girls than i do of my boys.

I allow toby and parker to be more emotional, to push the limits more because they are both more affectionate with me. They display their love for me easily and without hesitation.

Both my girls are a bit more difficult. Neither of them have ever been super snuggly or can even say the words "i love you." When they do sit down beside me and try to snuggle up it's always awkward and uncomfortable. They don't fit easily in between all my lumps and bumps.

In turn, i push them harder. Have very high expectations of them relative to their age.

Now, i know that i haven't really explained how these two things are connected: affection and expectations. It's more the smacking reality when you suddenly realize that you are treating your kids differently and those differences run down gender lines.

okay, so i'm dunk blogging. dunk!!! ha!

I sent shane to bed because i had this big post in my head about gender, and it's gone!

i love you

sick kids for 12 days.

i can't take it anymore.

i have no compassion left.

send help.

Oh! I'm very excited about an event that is sure to only excite me!

On swoon today paige talks about the psychedelic furs singer, richard butler, and his solo album.

I love the psychedelic furs. Once in highschool i got to see them (actually it could have been love spit love, i can't remember) play at UBC in the gymnasium. It was awesome! I even managed to get invited backstage because i was that kind of girl! No, not THAT kind of girl. I was a hopeless groupie to many bands and cool enough and pretty enough to find my way backstage on merit instead of sexual prowess.

Anyway, i digress, i love richard butler and the song on myspace is really pretty and nice.

Luckily we escaped the lice thing because, quite frankly, lice followed immediately by the plague is more than my weakened heart can handle.

However, in a cruel twist of fate my chickens have lice! Aaaah. I have been assured by my veterinarian sources that chicken lice is species specific. I found it first on stanley the rooster (pictured above). He is our little pet chicken. I discourage the kids from calling any of the other chickens pets because they die or get killed all the time and they're gross.

So anyways, i was walking around holding stanley when i lifted his feathers on his neck and OH MY GOD SHIT SHIT SHIT ... "BUGS!"

I double dog dare you not to feel those things crawling all over you after seeing a site like that.

*massive shudder*

I dusted all the chickens and the coops and roosts with some highly toxic delousing powder. All seems well now, not that i have checked too closely.

And one of the hens has a cold. She keeps sneezing. The plague is spreading to the barnyard.

What a day. What a week.

Tristan went back to school today. One down. Toby, parker and eliza are all still sick. That makes one full week, since last monday, that i've had sick kids. It changes your reality, these sick kids. I've found it challenging, to say the least, to continue writing in these past eight days.

And so. And so i welcomed shane's input last night. And so it was a departure from what i would normally say, from what lines i would normally cross. When he sat down at the computer i watched him from the couch (chesterfield) and wondered what he would say about me. I hoped he would wax poetic about his love for me. How i am perfect. Everything he ever dreamed of.

But, i am not perfect. I am full of holes in logic, perception and reality. The thing is. The thing is he knows all that. He knows exactly who i am. And that...THAT...is exactly what makes love happen. Sure, i found his description of me a little tactless, a little base. But, in the heat of the moment there is no tact, no grace...just panties and bras in the way of what we really desire. And what we desire, in my house, is close personal contact - skin on skin - and i love him for all his honesty and abruptness about that.

Because when it comes down to it, the reason we are a team, is because of this strong bond that we have - emotionally and physically. Saggy boobs, beer bellies and all.

And yes, we introduced wine and beer back in to our household on sunday night. And thank you to everybody that commented to shane, and all the dads, and all the people i have never heard from before. It has been an exhilarating day of phone calls home to office; "sixteen comments! i am totally winning!"

And thank-you for not quite letting him win. And i won't let him guest blog again for, at least, awhile. Lest it get to his head.

Shane has volunteered to write a post tonight, under one circumstance; i can't edit it. He also said he could get more comments than i've ever had. So, here he is:

-----------------------------

Hi. Shane, here. Guest blogger...

Blog readers, I need your help. (Myrna/Ian - stop reading. I'm going to talk about s-e-x and I don't want awkward looks at Xmas dinner from you.)

Jess and I have had 4 children, as you know. Before that, we had a mad, passionate love affair where virtually nothing was off limits. She's my true love, one and only. And I love her a lot. We'll be together until we die. But over the past 8+ years, since we started having children, there's one area that has been off limits to me... her tits.

With breast-feeding successive babies, she's (understandably) been uncomfortable with whipping out the ladies during our love making. And truthfully, I had no interest in getting lactated on. So it was mutual.

But Parker is now weaned and just recently she actually took off her bra during s-e-x. It was the first time I could remember her being completed nude and it was great. I didn't really know what to do. What's the protocol after eight years?

I massaged them a bit and tried to be attentive without it being creepy and desperate. I think I did okay. But how can I really know? It hasn't happen again since then. And I feel a bit like I had my one shot and how I responded will dictate my future forever more.

But I really want more. I've never really thought of myself as a tit man. I mean I love her tits, but I've always gravitated to her fantastic ass. But since the tit-famine started after Tristan was born, I've started to rethink my position. I'm now into her tits.

You can help. And here is how: Comment on this blog. Tell Jess how it is important to give her man access to her full package. Let her know you support my access to her wonderful breasts. Speak up and let her know that post-breast feeding woman are fuckin' sexy, awesome chicks. And that she should show off just how hot she is to her devoted husband.

I really appreciate your help.

Sincerely,
Shane

Hello? Hello? I've been trapped inside my house for six days and i think i've lost my mind. Send help!

• Tristan - on the mend. antibioitics FINALLY working. fever down
• Toby - fever up to 104 yesterday. trip to emergency. mommy scared. strep throat. antibiotics. feeling better today.
• Eliza - woke up with croup on thursday night. very scary. call 911. feeling better today. on three kinds of steroids.
• Parker - trooper all week. started throwing up last night. up from midnight until 6am. sleep for 90 minutes and up for the day. grumpy as hell.

I had the strangest hot and heavy dream last night (i actually slept at some point. Not sure when.) about billie joe armstrong?! of green day. (Something about men in makeup.) We were in a mall shopping and i really wanted to, you know, fool around. In all my dreams i am my awkward, ugly, chubby fifteen year old self. He wasn't that in to me. Apparently though his girlfriend was hot lips houlihan.

Shane also declared our house alcohol free a week ago. I hate him a lot right now.

I know, i know, reading posts about sicks families is boring. I'm yawning already.

Seriously though every spring! Every fucking spring we get sick just right at that moment where you pop your hand out the door, feel warm sunshine, push your winter boots aside and put on the flip flops. Right then. Right as i step my pale foot out the door the flu bug attacks.

Tristan is on the mend and on antibiotics, toby came down with it last night at 3am and cried from then until we put him back to bed at 7pm tonight, parker is hacking and weezing upstairs with shane right now so that i can have a few minutes of peace before i head back in. Eliza, officially first in line for the good stuff in the will, is still healthy - but on mucho steroids as a prophylactic.

I predict very little sleep tonight and the hospital with parker sometime in the next 48 hours.

sigh

I was supposed to go on a mothers weekend away in tofino this weekend. Up in smoke that one. It's okay though as i was having mild to moderate anxiety just thinking about a trip with 12 ladies and no getaway plan.

And seriously fevers of 103? That's pretty darn high right?

Since i'm feeling tired and cold & flu like i thought i'd learn how to upload mp3's.

As many of you know shane has been writing songs and putting them up on my space and garageband. I'm really proud of him and it makes me really love him, in a hubba hubba kind of way, when i listen to them. He has a plan so cunning and hilarious with these songs that include concept albums, false prophets and cults. If you knew him all of that would make sense. So, here's his newest version of one of the songs:

the stars are out

Also, one afternoon when i was out at a meeting shane recorded tristan on piano and her, toby and eliza singing. If you listen closely you can hear some of the funkiness in toby's speech:

mary****

****you can say whatever you want about shane but only cute things about my kids. They inherited my lack of tune, so blame that on me.

P is for feeling poopy.

But! I got my super duper cute 60 bugs shirts from debbie today and, well, AWESOME!!

Eliza is feeling poopy too and so that was all she had to give for that photo.

What an amazing bunch of women (i'm pretty much convinced there's no men out there...hello? hello?) you are. Really, i mean that.

Such thoughtful and thought provoking comments today. Why do we blog?

I think the resounding answer is "because we can." I think part of that answer is that you're brave enough or crazy enough to do it. No matter how many people are reading your slice of the pie you are always opening yourself up for hurtful comments. But really, those are so few and far between.

I think the friendship, support and sense of belonging that the community brings are what most people hang on to, what keeps us posting when there's not much to say or when there's too much to say.

*******************************************************************
We are sick with some weird cold/flu virus. I bought (finally) one of those digital ear thermometers the other day and i have been running around checking all the fevers and spreading all the wax. Tristan has been hardest hit holding steady at 102-103 since last night. Parker and Eliza are okay, i'm hoping they stay that way as i don't want to end the longest winter ever in the hospital.

I keep trying to type something interesting and i come up with nothing but crappy snotty sneezes. So, i will say goodnight and hopefully be back fresher and clearer tomorrow.

Thanks for all the comments!

I was talking on the phone today with an old friend from victoria. She's in vancouver now and we rarely see each other, but try and keep in touch by phone and, most recently, by her reading my blog.

She called in a little bit of a frenzy because i guess she hadn't read in a while and was all "oh! OH! Jess is poor, and sad, and needs clothes for blogher, and needs medication and peeing in the bed advice! What is going on!"

So we had a long conversation about all the stuff and, of course, other (sex, boobies and plastic surgery) stuff.

She thinks it's weird that there are people out there who know so much about me. That people comment. That the internet is "full of weirdos. get out while you can!"

It made me feel all insecure. Like why the hell am i doing this anyway? I don't talk about my blog much to, you know *real people* because it is kind of weird. I publish intimate details of my life on the internet. And i REALLY don't know why.

What do you think? Why do we do this. And who are you anyway?

• I'm feeling much better thank you. My wrists and middle finger are coming along nicely. I've been doing the hot/cold baths which really work - thanks ade! And i've been taking glucosamine and my multi vitamin plus! Omega 3's. I'm not sure what helps what, but my general sense of well being is highly improved.
• Also! I've been drinking smoothies. Yogurt, banana, berry and flax. Yum. Seems to be taking care of the nasty yeast that's been plaguing me since i was pregnant with parker. I've been trying to lose the five+ pounds i gained over the winter and as of today i'm down 4!
• All of you are so nice. As far as my little scuffle with anonymous email'ers goes. I'm okay, really. I think i was just taken by surprise because i'm really not that popular and i've never had anything resembling the negative come my way. I thought that was for the cool kids. Eh, whatever.
• We took all the kids swimming yesterday. Fun, fun, fun. We had dual changing room experiences - boys and girls. For us girls we enjoyed a ten! year old boy with his overprotective mother changing with us. Poor kid.
• The boys had the ever curious parker who while watching his daddy change in the busy saturday afternoon changing room said "daddy you have a really big penis!"
• I had a very happy husband for the rest of the weekend.