quitters

Why can't my kids be normal. Why for the sake of my sanity do they need to be attached to me ALL the time? Why, oh why can i never be alone?

In september eliza started a ballet class. She loved it so much that we signed her up for the whole year and went and got the special outfit and the cute little slippers. And she leaped and twirled and danced and glowed. For awhile.

And then? She saw me drive away one day while she was in class. Big mistake. From then on it all went downhill. Each week i promised her i would not leave. I would stand right outside the doors so that she could see me through the window. I would entertain parker with cars and trucks at my feet while giving her reassuring glances through the window. Soon even that wasn't close enough. I had to come inside and sit and watch which is frowned upon by the teachers. So, parker and i would sit and watch and yawn and try to be quiet. If we made a move towards the door eliza would break down in tears.

Now, as long as all this happened according to her wishes she would still have fun and dance and twirl and be filled with joyous leaps.

This week she wouldn't go. Would not go. I am too tired to keep forcing these things. No preschool here in our house. All kids all the time until kindergarten.

The thing is if i let her quit i know i'm saying that it's okay to give up on things that scare you a little or are a challenge. It's okay to not try to face your fears. And she's so shy. So painfully shy.

On the other hand if i make her go we will all be miserable and i will be angry and probably not phrase my words properly when i talk to her.

Conundrums.