making it go away

((((hugs))))
I only have two kids and none of the problems you face so I won't say I understand your situation. but honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I know the guilt your heart is brimming with. please, don't be too hard on yourself, you're a wonderful mother, and no vacations or camping can top that. your kids will understand, even if you think it's not fair for them, even if you think they're too small. they will understand. and they will love you even more. I think there's absolutely nothing you're doing wrong. you're really the best mom to your kids.

and seriously, hot dogs and marshmallows for dinner? I want you to be my mom!!!!

aw jess, i want to come over there and give you a big hug and smooch! and toby, too! sorry, i'm sniffling too much to say anything more coherent than that. i know you two will come out of this okay. what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?

Why have him repeat sometime before fourth? If they think he should repeat now, why not just do first grade and get it over with? It will only get tougher as he gets older and more socially aware of his peers. I'm just questioning the sometime before fourth - it seems terribly vague.

I agree with Rachel.

We can't beat ourselves up with Motherly Guilt, but it sure is hard to stop doing it, isn't it?

Can I suggest one thing without being annoying? My best friend is a speech therapist, my nephew went to her for a few years. He actually enjoyed every minute of it b/c she is so engaging. If you find a good one, stick with him/her.

Oh Jesus, this is a tough one. That whole mixture of guilt, shame, anger -- blech. But he'll find his way, and this will all get easier, eventually. I think you're doing a good job with your kids.

Have you thought about taking ads on your blog to give you a little extra income? Or adding a 'donate' button? You give lots of people lots of enjoyment -- I'm sure there are many who'd be willing to send something back.

Nothing more heartbreaking for a parent than watching your child experience sadness or despair. It renders you powerless. I'm sending you an internet hug right now. And another one for sweet Toby.

Jess, I have never posted on your site before- but I think marian has some valid suggestions that you should consider. I know that the donate buttons seem a bit strange but I know that people would donate.
Thanks for your great site, I wish your family all the best and I hope you keep writing in your hilarious and inspiring style.

I am surprised in Canada that here is not more support for a child that needs speech therapy. Have you checked to see if you are taking advantage of all the govt support?
I'm in Quebec so it's different but my friend's son needs speech therapy, occupational therapy etc and it's being covered.

Hot dogs and marshmallows! You're awesome. Give yourself a pat on the back.

You guys! *blushing*

Thanks. Really. I've thought about ads and what not, but, the thought of a five dollar cheque from google is even more depressing. I'll give it some thought.

Toby doesn't qualify for publicly funded therapy because he's over five and attends private school. We considered all our options very carefully before deciding on private school and having to pay for therapy. The reality is that in public schools the speech therapist are overworked and under-supported (big surprise). He would only be getting one session per week, and usually in a group. We would have been paying for therapy anyway. The benefits of the small class sizes and multi-age groupings outweighed any free therapy he would have received in public school. The private school he attends is parent participation making it very inexpensive.

His therapist is good. She does make it fun. But therapy is designed for the majority of kids who are in and out in less than a year. Toby has been doing it for nearly five years. Even the funnest activity becomes redundant after that length of time.

I have been aggressively researching any grant money that is available and it is just not there. We do get $100 a month from the government in a "disability tax credit."

Remember that in light of all of it, you're offsetting his bad days with kid-centered, totally awesome stuff like bonfires and slingshots and baseball. He's a lucky little dude, Jess, to have you as Mom.

No wonder you have down days, babe, that's some heavy stuff. I know I can't tell you not to worry or stress about it, that's like telling me not to be a goof but I feel certain that your efforts and your love for Toby are making his life rich, no matter what -considering where you live, with chickens, even, seems like camping every day to me!

I wish there was something I could do to help.

It's easy to get lost in the day to day but from my end, reading you, you rock as a Mom. Truly.

When I see people give Alex that look, the one that says they don't understand him and don't know what to say to me, I hurt. He's so loveable and expressive and I get him. I so badly want everyone else to.

Why oh why did they build Canada with BC and Ontario that far apart?

Jess, I'm sorry. I really am. Mommy guilt is the worst. I read your blog and I wonder how you do it with four, because some days I can barely manage my two. I think you're an awesome mom.

I think you should consider the ads.

Oh Jess. Speech just sucks. I know, Shalebug was completely non-verbal and he was two months shy of five. Have you exhausted your gov. resources. Here in AB, there is the HCD. Resources for families with Children with disabilities.

Try the ads. Maybe that will help.
Chin up, and hugs to you. I hope your situation gets better.

What a tough struggle. I totally agree with ellen and chair and everybody else. You are making all your kids' childhoods so rich - but i imagine that it's tough to see that when you're mired in the everyday. Good luck with this - know that you have people rooting for you out here.

Hugs to you, Jess- I agree with all here that you are providing a very rich and nurturing childhood for your kids. What I am hearing is the guilt- that had you "done something" at some point, you might have prevented or ameliorated some of the problems Toby is having. But, IMO, realistically, although all the enrichment activities that you remember providing for Tristan were certainly a positive thing for her, you no more "made", by doing all that admittedly good stuff, Tristan the capable, mature little being that she is, than you "made" Toby's problems for him even if you did less of that stuff. That is NOT what creates normal speech-as I am sure you know- his speech environment at two was undoubtably very rich, especially as a second kid with a close-in-age, verbally mature older sibling.
My first two were also two years apart, girl, then boy, and when my son wasn't speaking at two the way my daughter had been, I was sure he had a speech problem, which, it turned out he didn't at all.
BUT, he did end up with a much worse thing: a mental illness that killed him eventually and don't think I haven't gone over every single thing I ever did, going back to being pregnant with him and catching the flu- and blamed myself, trying pointlessly, for years, to figure out what I could have done differently.
My therapist would call this grandiosity, however, and I think that she is right. When your kids are adults, especially, you see how much, all along, even as babies, each one is a whole person leading his or her wholly OWN life. It is SO hard- in a way your job is to raise your kids to ultimately not need you.
Toby has his own path, his own little life , his own destiny to follow as it were and you can only do the best you can, nothing more, and that you are and have been doing all along.
So try not to do the guilt thing-it only gets in the way of what you can do now and in the future anyway.
AND, it is ok to vent about it to people who care, too!
Love, Jo-Anne (Grammacello)

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