still miss them

Tonight as i was putting parker to bed we were chatting and snuggling and enjoying each other. Every night when i put him to bed i sing him a few songs, itsy bitsy spider, you are my sunshine and take me out to the ball game, then i kiss him and tell him i love him and i'll see him in the morning. Then he says "i love me too mommy. Night night. Sleep tight. See you in the morning." It's all so damn cute it nearly kills me.

So, before our ritual tonight, but when he knew it was time, he looked at me with his bottom lip puffed out and quivering "still no booby mommy?"

"No parker. It's all gone now. You're doing such a good job."

"I really miss booby mommy."

"I know baby. Me too."

I swear at that moment i almost gave it all up and whipped it out for my baby. The quivering lip? It kills me.

Besides, i'm really not seeing the benefits over here. For these nine long years i have been dreaming of being able to take medicine when i'm sick, drink alcohol without guilt, have my formerly small boobs back, and lose these extra pounds that THEY told me would come off once i finished breastfeeding. Fat storage my ass! It's just fat and it's here to stay apparently. Unless of course i actually do something about it.

I took medicine and it totally freaked me out. Drinking? Eh, whatever. I never really worried anyway because there is no way i could live for nine years without alcohol. And! And! MY BOOBS! They are still huge. Well, huge for me. (This should be a good google night) I am comfortable as a 36B or even C. That is the way i always was and that is what i want back. Even if they do sag and my nipples are radically different from the nice little flat, pink ones i used to have. Even if all those things why are they not getting smaller?

So? Why the hell did i do this? Oh i know, i know! The whole having to go at kindergarten snack time and give him his booby thing.