so sad

My anxiety levels are rising and falling. I can't find any trigger or 'thing' that starts it. Last night i had several bad dreams again. This morning i woke up at 6:00am and thought i wouldn't get back to sleep, but i woke up an hour later sweaty and full of adrenaline. I dreamt that eliza and toby went missing. Most of my bad dreams involve losing my kids. It got much worse after parker walked out the door and down the road last summer. He was only 21 months old. It will forever sit at the front of my most terrifying moments memories.

Then this morning i find this blog. It just makes me so sad and scared. Scared that all of this can be lost.

It's really the hardest part of being a parent isn't it.