twenty minutes

I remember when i had only one child. I bravely subscribed to many "new" parenting philosophies. Many, many times i judged other mothers and said to myself "i will never do that". I am so sorry for all those times i blindly judged, you see, when you have only one child you are perfect and impervious and, although it doesn't feel it at the time, parenting one child is easy. I remember well hearing some parenting advice that suggested that you spend twenty minutes of quality time with each of your children each day. Twenty minutes! I couldn't imagine that that was even a rule. Twenty measly minutes.

Now, now! i have four kids and finding twenty minutes times four kids - each one alone, uninterrupted - well, that my friend would be a VERY good day. So, Ingrid ( can i call you Ingrid because internet is so vague) tell me how that is possible and i will bow to you.

What i am trying to say is that i am sitting here very late at night when i should be sleeping because this is the only time i can sneak away and be alone. And, shit, i'm finding all of this so very, very hard and tiring.

I'll tell you a story that happened to me this year. It was really awful and haunts me to this day. At some point in this year i was at Starbucks with all of my kids and parker and eliza were sleeping in the car. I left them there with tristan and toby while i ran in and got a coffee. Why? Because i needed a coffee and damn if i was going to wake them up so that i could get a coffee. So, i locked the doors with the car parked right out front and i watched them obsessively as i ordered and got my coffee. When i came out a woman said to me "can you believe the nerve of some people leaving babies unattended?" I didn't clue in that she was talking about me. I tried to walk by her to get in my car and she PUSHED me! "You are in trouble! I'm going to the police, this is against the law, you are going to lose your children!"

I couldn't believe what was happening. I asked her "do you know what it is like to have four children?"

She said; "you CHOSE to have four kids!"

So we had words. I NEVER have words. I drove away.

The police called me a few weeks later. She had filed charges for assault - against me. What i did was not against the law. Eventually, i went to the insurance company and said it wasn't my fault and it wasn't her fault and i just wanted the whole mess behind me. They found 50/50 responsibility. Apparently, i had scratched her car when she had tried to stop me from getting in my car and i had pushed my door back against hers. She fought that decision and they decided that she was crazy and made her pay for the whole thing ( i didn't claim any damage).

The whole thing left me feeling so betrayed. Betrayed by another mother. Someone who i thought should stick up for me no matter what. No matter what mistake i had made. Because we all make mistakes, right?

What i am trying to say is that being a mother is damn tough business and i applaud all of you. You are all awesome. Ingrid, you rock.