the explanation

The thing is, that love, you know THAT love - it makes you forgive. Because no matter the hurt you may feel inside. You know that the person snoring beside you is the one for you.

Plus, who else would have you anyway - you crazy loony toon.

So, christmas has come and gone, as 2005 will soon as well. Shane didn't really do anything wrong to make me so mad and sad and pissed off. He was self-indulgent on christmas morning. Feeling sorry for himself and stressed by all the work, or lack there-of. Watching the gluttony of gifts toppled him over the edge. I saw it happen. I saw him thinking "fuck". I saw him abandoning me and the kids for his self-pity. And i was pissed. I wanted him to see it for what it was - christmas morning with our beautiful children who still believe in the magic of christmas and who love us with every ounce of their being. Our children who grow so fast it freaks me out. Our children whom i want to share this intense love i feel for with my husband, who i also love intensely and, at times, hate intensely.

But, he isn't me. I need to let that go. Wanting him to see the world as i do. He sees it differently. In dollar signs and hours worked - and the correlation between those things and happiness. I don't get that and he doesn't get me. Sometimes.

But, now? Now i love him again. Because he is here and he is, well, him.