So, we let the kids stay up until midnight - new york time. We changed the clocks in the house three hours ahead, made a special yummy dinner, drank some kiddy fizz champagne, watched the westminster dog show and dick clark. Then, sent them to bed at midnight *cough* 9pm.

Here's how it looked (the photos look poopy because i only have the built-in flash):

the dinner being prepared. Yes! my kids eat mussels and clams! Amazing.

pina coladas to drink!

Lots of toasting

a little boredom

a little dancing

and if i didn't know better i'd think we gave them real champagne

See you next year!

First, this is entry 200 on my new blog and second, someone will soon be the 200th commenter on this new blog -- really awesome prize to THAT person.

So, my modest goals for 2006

Fulfill my lifelong dream to become a Seventeen magazine model, guest star as a love interest on the OC, record my freshman record with guest appearances by 50cent and Ashlee Simpson, perform on TRL, meet Nick Lachey and show him what a real woman can do for him, fall apart in a blaze of trashy self-indulgent behaviour and write about it on my fansite.

or

Wean Parker.

comments = prizes

Happy New Year

Twelve years ago, or so, shane was in a band that was moderately successful. They had a cd that was played on college radio, charting nationally, and a video played on MuchMusic. At the time i was recovering from going crazy after i graduated from university and shane took me under his wing and protected me and licked my wounds. He made me better. He made life worth living and asked me to marry him. I am eternally grateful and in love with him. It wasn't easy for him, loving me.

But he did. And i loved him too. A lot.

So, back then i always wanted him to write a song for me. I wanted to hear in words how he adored me. He was never able to do it.

This holiday has been a little bumpy for us. That's okay though. Bumps are good. He didn't give me a gift for christmas. We agreed on that, but i still held out a little niggle of hope that he would.

Today, he gave me a gift. The greatest thing anyone has ever given me actually. This morning on my iPod i found three songs that he wrote and recorded on GarageBand. One, "happy to get you", he wrote for me.

The holiday has turned. What a wonderful way to end the year.

************************WEEKEND UPDATE***************************

Totally got lucky!

We have settled nicely into this whole vacation thing. The kids have been staying up a little later and sleeping in until 9! in the morning. I have been staying up late as i like to do.

I think the hardest part of parenting for me is the whole morning thing. I'm really a mess until noon or later. I don't really come to life until the evening. It's not unusual for me to turn the music way up while i'm making dinner and get all the kids to dance with me. Normal people's lowest time of day is the beginning of my high-point.

The best gift this holiday is lounging in bed in the mornings and sitting up late - guilt free and alone - at night.

Come next tuesday i'll be singing a different story. Actually, there won't be much singing - a lot of yelling - for instance:

"get your asses out of bed!"
"you're going to be LATE for sharing!"
"DADDY'S LEAVING!!!" "AND I'M NOT TAKING YOU IN MY JAMMIES!!"
"Forget about your teeth! Nobody will notice you stink!"

and most definitely

"WHAT was I thinking!!!"

The thing is, that love, you know THAT love - it makes you forgive. Because no matter the hurt you may feel inside. You know that the person snoring beside you is the one for you.

Plus, who else would have you anyway - you crazy loony toon.

So, christmas has come and gone, as 2005 will soon as well. Shane didn't really do anything wrong to make me so mad and sad and pissed off. He was self-indulgent on christmas morning. Feeling sorry for himself and stressed by all the work, or lack there-of. Watching the gluttony of gifts toppled him over the edge. I saw it happen. I saw him thinking "fuck". I saw him abandoning me and the kids for his self-pity. And i was pissed. I wanted him to see it for what it was - christmas morning with our beautiful children who still believe in the magic of christmas and who love us with every ounce of their being. Our children who grow so fast it freaks me out. Our children whom i want to share this intense love i feel for with my husband, who i also love intensely and, at times, hate intensely.

But, he isn't me. I need to let that go. Wanting him to see the world as i do. He sees it differently. In dollar signs and hours worked - and the correlation between those things and happiness. I don't get that and he doesn't get me. Sometimes.

But, now? Now i love him again. Because he is here and he is, well, him.

A little late, but, better late than never.

I won't go into details why christmas sucked the big pudding. Suffice it to say that a sensitive mother needs support from her spouse - not the biggest grump-ass scrooge ever on christmas morning.

But. But! Dear ingrid internet the weaning has begun! Parker is sleeping in his sesame street cute as hell toddler bed.

At bedtime we talked about being a big boy and that big boys sleep in big boy beds and, most definitely, do not wake up every hour for booby. He seemed to agree. And i agreed.

And, though my heart is breaking, this is what i need. I need sleep. But, it's hard to say goodbye to my last little baby and those special moments. It's going to take me awhile to get over this.

bye bye christmas.

Story to come.

Kids very happy. Happy kids.

That's what really matters.

I felt bad being away so long and wanted to wish a merry happy merry... i'll be back toporrow (as parker would say..., from his new big boy bed that santa brought him, still not weaned, still the booby man in the big boy bed...)

xxoo

Tristan and toby are off on saltspring for two days. Shane and i don't want to admit it, but life is easy without them. They, the fussy fuss-asses. (This is how we spend our nights - talk of the fussy fuss-asses and how they make our lives miserable.)

Saltspring is the land of magical things - the arty, crafty grandma and the grandpa with the b.b. gun, bow 'n arrow, and sling-shot - it is the 6 year old boy and 8 year old girl dream vacation. I used to worry about the giant well in their front yard, now i worry about my son coming back with vision and my daughter even looking me in the eye once she has seen the beauty of the crafty woman. Crafty woman - see how high she flies, woo-ooo.

So, now that you are all confused i shall go to bed. My job here is done. It's not really. This was supposed to be about tristan and toby the fuss-ass eaters and how parker and eliza ate mussels in coconut curry for dinner. But, i am too tired to move my fingers, be back after sleep **insert snores here**

Everybody with children, everybody who loves santa - hell, everybody

track santa on christmas eve!

Me circa 1988.

I remember when i had only one child. I bravely subscribed to many "new" parenting philosophies. Many, many times i judged other mothers and said to myself "i will never do that". I am so sorry for all those times i blindly judged, you see, when you have only one child you are perfect and impervious and, although it doesn't feel it at the time, parenting one child is easy. I remember well hearing some parenting advice that suggested that you spend twenty minutes of quality time with each of your children each day. Twenty minutes! I couldn't imagine that that was even a rule. Twenty measly minutes.

Now, now! i have four kids and finding twenty minutes times four kids - each one alone, uninterrupted - well, that my friend would be a VERY good day. So, Ingrid ( can i call you Ingrid because internet is so vague) tell me how that is possible and i will bow to you.

What i am trying to say is that i am sitting here very late at night when i should be sleeping because this is the only time i can sneak away and be alone. And, shit, i'm finding all of this so very, very hard and tiring.

I'll tell you a story that happened to me this year. It was really awful and haunts me to this day. At some point in this year i was at Starbucks with all of my kids and parker and eliza were sleeping in the car. I left them there with tristan and toby while i ran in and got a coffee. Why? Because i needed a coffee and damn if i was going to wake them up so that i could get a coffee. So, i locked the doors with the car parked right out front and i watched them obsessively as i ordered and got my coffee. When i came out a woman said to me "can you believe the nerve of some people leaving babies unattended?" I didn't clue in that she was talking about me. I tried to walk by her to get in my car and she PUSHED me! "You are in trouble! I'm going to the police, this is against the law, you are going to lose your children!"

I couldn't believe what was happening. I asked her "do you know what it is like to have four children?"

She said; "you CHOSE to have four kids!"

So we had words. I NEVER have words. I drove away.

The police called me a few weeks later. She had filed charges for assault - against me. What i did was not against the law. Eventually, i went to the insurance company and said it wasn't my fault and it wasn't her fault and i just wanted the whole mess behind me. They found 50/50 responsibility. Apparently, i had scratched her car when she had tried to stop me from getting in my car and i had pushed my door back against hers. She fought that decision and they decided that she was crazy and made her pay for the whole thing ( i didn't claim any damage).

The whole thing left me feeling so betrayed. Betrayed by another mother. Someone who i thought should stick up for me no matter what. No matter what mistake i had made. Because we all make mistakes, right?

What i am trying to say is that being a mother is damn tough business and i applaud all of you. You are all awesome. Ingrid, you rock.

Because i am crazy busy; dude, i have four kids and it's christmas - need i say more? I would like to be thankful for a few things which have made me happy this year:

1. she-friends of the internet. awesome.
2. chickens that lay green eggs.
3. my canon digital rebel xt.
4. the shins, the decemberists, the mountain goats, modest mouse, death cab for cutie, the arcade fire...
5. iPod (see above) listening in the car
6. healthy children
7. high heel shoes = fun
8. six feet under, huff, rescue me, grey's anatomy
9. my new website
10. shane - because he is the one for me.

that's it. thank-you life.

Wow. Where does time go? How is it that christmas is in just a few days?

Yesterday was a rough day. Poor turkey. I kept thinking about him all day. We dropped him off in the morning at the processing plant, got a look at the process, made sure it was all as painless as murder can be and left with instructions to pick him up at 6 - what was left of him at least.

Geez, i am not built for this. I hold strong to my conviction that if you're gonna eat it you should be able to deal with the face that came before it, but, it's tough. Anyway, he's in the fridge and he looks completely different than your average butterball. Plus, he's way smaller than i anticipated. All the free-ranging made him lean.

I think i'll make a roast chicken at the same time. I have four chickens in the freezer that a friend raised. We've been eating those no problem. I'm not sure what the difference is, but it's there.

I bet you never thought you'd hear someone go on so much about a damn turkey.

Enough turkey talk!

gobble, gobble

Dear flippy and leigh-ann i am sorry. Christmas dinner is ready for the oven. He had a good life and now we will probably fill up on stuffing as we stare at him on Christmas Day. We are thankful for his little life though.

xxoo

jess, tristan, toby, eliza and parker

Yesterday in a continuation of germs as we know them Parker and Eliza woke up with the poops. I took it all in stride as i had an escape plan: board meeting 6:30pm!

At lunch Parker came to me with glassy eyes, snotty nose and rosy red cheeks and asked me to share my soup with him. I am a mother in love. How could i refuse? As i fed him a spoonful in between each of mine i carried on this conversation in my head:

left side - you are so totally getting sick!
right side - no! i am super-mom, germs can't break my super-barrier!
LS - you dumbass! stop eating off the same spoon! look at that snot!
RS - you can't feel love like i do. Look i would do anything for my children!
LS - dumbass. stop now!
RS - too late! all gone!

Before i went to my meeting i stopped at the grocery store to get some cookies to share because i am super-mom! Halfway through the store my tummy started to gurgle. Of course the rest you can guess. But ha! I'm fine today. And happy! Because i am super-mom!

Since i alienated most of you with my horrid tales of bodily break down i'll move on. I'll spare you the details of minutes ago finding Lucy the dog ripping apart a dirty diaper. Dogs are gross.

I have been overflowing with pressure and stress regarding the holiday. I wish i was a crafty mom, but i'm not. I wish i could savor the moments, enjoying all the details of trees, paper-chains, christmas concerts and stocking stuffers. Instead, i feel like the top of a tree in a windstorm. Ready, to topple with all the pressure of getting it all done.

As i was micro-managing the christmas tree decorating i had to sit back and laugh at myself. Who's this tree for anyway? Not me. This holiday is all about the kids. Why does the tree have to be perfect. They love it the way they do it. When the tree fell over in the middle of the night, instead of crying, i took the opportunity to let the kids re-do it however they wanted.

I love my children with everything i've got. The pressure to make it all perfect is too much. Instead, i am pledging to sit back and let this holiday unfold - wrinkles, pine needles and all.

Remember that Molly Ringwald movie where she gets pregnant and lives in a little apartment with her highschool boyfriend and they have a tent for a bathroom? Okay, remember the part where she's in the tent on the toilet and her head is sticking out the top and she moans about "things hanging out of her bum"? Remember? Keep that in mind for a few minutes.

Saturday night was the big party! Woo-hoo. I wore the shoes and there was no problem. I could walk and my feet didn't feel like bloody stumps. We had lots of fun, probably a little too much. Shane's band played and they were really great. I'm not just saying that as the wife of a rock god, i'm saying that as the president of the school. Everybody must now worship my husband - it's a policy!

Funnily enough, even though it was a parents party, i had the opportunity to see a very lovely old friend from university. One who i haven't seen in 9 years. Man, things change - but most surprisingly they stay the same. Ade and i worked together at the student newspaper and also sweated through women's studies together. She was nice to me even though shane and i were drunken belligerent bullies (at university, not the parents party). The thing i really noticed is that women in their 30's are hot! Really. The people i knew in university were all pale and fat-skinny. You know, living off a steady diet of sleep-deprivation, coffee, beer, french fries and smokes. It made for the sunken pale face and the soft body with a little puffiness to round it all out. If Ade is any evidence ten years of healthy living sure makes for a beautiful woman. On the other hand, i was really drunk and seeing through those drunky drunk happy eyes.

Anyways, it was really fun and i only fell down once and that was from trying to dance in four inch heels. I threw them away after that.

Also, the next day? It was really horrible. How come none of you warned me about those muscles in my calf. The ones that you use when you tippy-toe or wear high heels? The ones that seized up so tight that i couldn't walk when i woke up? Oh the pain. All the way down the stairs i cried "shit, shit, shit" with every step.

The molly ringwald thing? Apparently the high heels did something to me that required screaming at shane at 8 in the morning to go to the store and GET ME SOME PREPARATION H STAT!! Is that possible? HEELS = THINGS HANGING OUT OF MY BUM? I don't know, but that's what i'm blaming it on.

I know - classy lady lives here.

C'mon and see inside my fridge! Click on the photo, you know you wanna! Our day of christmas preparations. How the hell did my mom stay so calm? Right, cocktail hour gin and tonics!

Bloody hell! I just sat down at the computer and as i moved the mouse an earwig zoomed out and straight into my lap, upper naked thigh style. I'm awake! Woosh, adrenalin in the morning.

I love Ron Weasley, from now on all my curses will be Bloody Hell!

Except this one, shit, i'm tired. I know it's getting boring and cry me a river. But, shit, it's been a long winter already and we've barely even grazed the surface. I do know that september through december are the worst times of year for children with asthma. So, i am hopeful that the new year will bring some health and good times our way.

Shane has been working crazy long hours. We barely see each other and when he does get home i'm so pissed off and exhausted from being alone, without any help, that i usually go to bed after a few minutes of sitting beside him because, quite frankly, i can't stand the smell of him right now. Don't be alarmed. This happens. In our marriage it's not all roses. We have hard times and easy times. I'm sure the rest of you do too.

I think Tristan is on the verge of not being a santa believer which makes everything WAY more tricky. Plus, my be good for santa threat doesn't work on her. Bloody hell. She sure is cute though. 8 year olds i tell you. She thinks she knows everything, which is the way i guess it will be for the next 20 years or so. But that girl, she has read all the Harry Potter books, she can knit way better than me, can play a song by ear on the piano and she's beautiful. I don't know how all the genes crossed so perfectly on that one.

Have a lovely day. Happy survivor night tonight. Tristan and i watch it together - quality time i tell you.

The lights are up. The decorations are up. The Starbucks holiday cd's are playing. The kids are being threatened several times a day with "do you remember about santa? Remember what he says about you better not pout? You do? Good! Stop whining, whining is pouting by proxy!"

Ah, empty threats. Gotta love em, know what i mean jelly bean?

In my spirit of hating the over-consumtion i have adopted pets for all my nieces: polar bears and turtles all around!

Shane and i have asked for donations to anaphylaxis canada on behalf of our little Eliza and apraxia canada on behalf of our little Toby.

Really we could use some help purchasing the 6 or so epipens we buy every year and the $8000 we spend on speech therapy, but that seemed - i dunno - asking for something we wish we had help with already.

Thanks ada

I have an inner dialogue going on that contains lots of cursing. Curses!

Early this morning my dad called and he found my blog. Apparently, he searched for chicken tags in technorati and there i was! The chicken lady. *gulp*

I'm pretty sure he was scared away, and as i compulsively check every link and visitor on this blog, i pretty much know when anybody i know visits. He was, however, very concerned about how much information i let loose. Especially the names and photos of my kids. His concerns are valid. But, i'm just not willing to censor myself in that way. I'm pretty vague about where i live and, heck, for all anybody knows these are all made-up events. Shane and i have discussed this a lot and we decided together on what we felt safe about.

On the other hand, a while back i posted some photos of my kids in the bath on Flickr. Over the course of a weekend i noticed that those photos had WAY more views than any others. It really sickened me. I changed the access on them, but the experience has stuck with me. I even got a few people trying to get me to add them as family on my account so they could get access. That sucks. I could go on about it, but frankly, i don't want to give it my energy. It's not worth it.

So, i am going to continue on as i always have and hope that my family understands.

xxoo

We are still in the snow and the flu sped up it's final course through the house, though parker has wicked smelly gas and green poo.

While parker was napping today i spent half an hour walking around in the sexy shoes and i think i got it figured out. They're a keeper! About halfway through his nap parker woke up and as i raced up to him i did as i have done for the past 8 years whenever the youngest in my house wakes up. I squeezed my boobs. Those of you who have ever been nursing mothers will probably be familiar with the fullness test squeeze. Which side next? Eliza likes to joke that i have the normal side and the chocolate side. All this is my roundabout way of saying that momma is a wimp-ass and parker is still, definitely, not weened. I suppose i should eat my shorts now.

Also, i did not make it to the finals at the canadian blog awards. I figured as much - damn you all! But, the lovely JenB did. Go and vote for her!

Lastly, my BFF jenelle has some lovely treats for sale at her uber-cool store in vancouver. Get yer funk on and buy some swag.