the straw that broke the camels back

Shane once wrote a poem about me that had the line:

she gives me a sore back like a job

Well, tonight parker has given me a sore back. Seriously, i want to tear my brain out and send it out with the recycling. I want to gouge my eyeballs out with my Dr Sears endorsed boppy pillow.

Parker has reached that unfortunate stage of not really needing a nap, but not quite being able to make it through the day without one. Some days, the good days, he doesn't nap and goes to bed and zonks out in seconds at 7pm. Other days, yes like today, he has a nap and then it is my own private hell when i try to put him to bed. TWO HOURS i spent lying beside him. Coaxing him, bribing him with booby, pleading with him, and eventually yelling. I yelled at my perfect little two year old boy. Then i called Tristan, my future mother 8 year old, and she tried. Because she's seen all this before. She feels my pain. Parker wanted nothing to do with his big sister.

Frustration won and i lost my cool. I hate that. Eventually, i stood at the end of the bed and said "GO TO SLEEP! SHUT YOUR EYES!" And exhaustion beat him and he succumbed.

But, you can write this down. Because this time i mean it. Tomorrow he shall say goodbye to the booby. AND he will go to sleep on his own. At least, begin to learn to do that. I will begin 2006 free from breastfeeding and co-sleeping. Mark my words internet. This is it!

I'm kicking myself for wanting to be different when i had my first child and opting into the attachment parenting phenomenon. Not that it's been all bad. I treasure those moments sleeping with my little babies and waking up to their smiling faces beside me. But the lack of sleep. The constant waking. The mommy-brain. I. Can't. Do. It. Anymore.

He did, however, because he's perfect except for the sleep thing, pee on the potty three times today. He kills me with cuteness. As he was "washing the dishes" while i made dinner he declared "OH! I have to go pee.... i've got work to do!" And off he trotted to the bathroom to sit on his little potty seat. (What do you do with that penis when they sit on the seat anyway? I am constantly tucking it down for him. But i don't think i can do that forever. Right? Right!) And then he wiped. A lot. Wiping is the reward when you're a potty training toddler. All that toilet paper! Pure bliss. Piece by piece. At some point i will break the news that boys don't wipe, gross things that they are.

And so you see i just want to love him because he is the cutest thing ever. I don't want to be mad at him every night.

Sorry crazy homeschooling lady that keeps emailing me - Dr Sears and his sidekick wife can still kiss my sleep-deprived ass.