Melancholy

I am feeling nostalgic, reminiscent. Partly because of a reconnection to an old friend. Making me think of my life so far. The choices you make, opening and closing doors. Having children takes you on such a mind-blowing life path. A path that i love and adore, yet, i can't help but wonder what would have happened if i'd taken different steps, made different choices.

Shane and i often like to reminisce about the days before kids. How life was so easy, so self-involved. The long breakfasts over newspapers. A bed to ourselves! Time to enjoy each others company. We miss that. Each other.

We look at our friends who chose not to have kids, or didn't, or couldn't and feel jealous and sorry for them at the same time. The focus on the perfect house, life, career. We focus on keeping the chaos to a minimum and hoping that we all have clean underwear in the morning and keeping the kids bathed at least weekly! (Thank you swim lessons for completing that task for me!) Struggling with the monumental grocery bills - comparing how much we spend with other families of the same size. $1000 a month thank-you very much.

Also, the rain. Torrential rain for days, weeks on end. Moving 30 kilometers and enormous changes in weather. We didn't plan for that. But, the rain reminds me of Vancouver; my childhood and youth there. The rain comforts me that way. Makes me feel like i'm back home.

That and halloween costumes covered with raincoats.

Happy trick or treatin!