quality is job #1

Eliza has recently started wiping her own bum. We felt it was a quality control issue and chose to wipe her bum for her probably a little longer than most parents do. But, to be honest we were just so happy to have our children pooping on the toilet that wipin their little asses was a sacrifice we were willing to make.

When Tristan was just under two i did as most first-time mothers do; i read the books and discovered it was potty training time. I bought the books, the videos (i would rather punch myself in the face over and over infinity than listen to that potty song again) the cute little potty seats and the big girl undies. We worked on it for a week and holy shit she did it! She peed on the potty all the time, loved her pink blues clues undies and wore her pull-up at night. It took me awhile because at this time i also had a newborn Toby; but, eventually i figured out that she was pooping in her pull-up at night before she went to sleep. I sort of (totally) let it slide. When she was around 3 1/2 we tried to deal with it (totally didn't). Sometime in her fourth year, when i also had 2 year old Toby potty training and newborn Eliza, i realized kindergarten was looming and the poop thing had to be fixed. By this time we had regressed to her asking for a diaper when she had to go, she even offered to buy them herself when i tried to bribe her. I started giving her a laxative, senokot, in her drinks and refusing to let her have a diaper. She would literally go days and days without going poop. Eventually, the laxative beat her and she had one tremendous poop in the toilet. I think it was a religious experience for her judging from the screams and crying and begging for mercy that preceded the gigantic bowel movement.

So, we wiped Eliza and Toby's asses for a little longer than normal.

Last night Shane and i were sitting on the couch watching tv and Eliza came down fro upstairs, naked. She had been in bed. She swaggered in, turned around and waved her little butt around and said "hi dad".
"hi Eliza."
"i went poo and wiped my own bum without even calling you."
"great job Eliza."
me: "uh Shane, look?"

She had little smears of shit all up her back. You see? It's a quality control issue.