It's funny, now that

It's funny, now that Parker and Eliza have all day together they get along better than ever. They are sitting here playing trains together happily. I knew that one day all that money invested in Thomas train stuff would pay off. I hope my children will be friends as adults. I try to teach them, more than anything, to love and respect each other. Meaning all the little differences that they find so annoying in each other. All the little nuances that they pick up on and then use to mercilessly drive each other crazy.

Tristan being the oldest and probably the one most subjected to mistakes and over-zealous parenting (being the first at everything we learn with her and refine through the others)., gets along the least with all the others. She adored Parker as a baby and was very maternal and often jealous of me, she wanted to be the mother. Now that he is older and more mobile and opinionated she really doesn't have time for him He "bugs" her. They all "bug" her. It's funny when she is out the house is mostly harmonious, but when she's here it's all fighting all the time.

She constantly amazes me with her maturity and intelligence. She can do so many things so easily. I have never been that way, except perhaps with writing. She can hear a song once and then play it on the piano, or the recorder, or guitar... or even the table. She completed grade 2 and 3 last year and is working on grade 3/4 and some 5 this year. But, as i think is often the case with smart or gifted children she is socially awkward and probably below age level. She has trouble making friendships "stick". It doesn't bother her though. She's happy to have a playdate if i set it up for her, but otherwise doesn't bother. She's an introvert like me and her dad. We haven't modeled that very well for her. We rarely, if ever, have friends over. We don't even really have any and don't really make an effort to change that.

But, we love our families, warts and all. This weekend i am dreading going to Vancouver to help my brother celebrate his one year sober and to say goodbye to him as he is moving to Sweden to be with the woman he loves whom he met on a Lord of the Rings message board. I really don't went to go. I think part of it is that it will all take place at his church and churches make me very uncomfortable. Everybody's too nice, but in a way that makes me feel like they have expectations of me. I don't like expectations because i am being set up to fail. Also, i just don't trust him. I don't trust that this is going to last and i am just so scared he is going to break my heart again. My brother was my hero. And then i had to save him from himself and it was hard and disappointing. Disappointment is a difficult pill to swallow.

Plus, the whole moving to Sweden thing. I just don't get that. I don't get internet romance. I think probably because i never participated. I think too that getting up and moving to another country when your newly sober is probably not the wisest idea. He has no support networks there.

I suppose that i look at my children and worry for them and the genetic make-up they've inherited. And i want them to love each other and support each other and not be disappointed in each other.