* all the children slept in their own beds

* Parker woke only 3 times

* he nursed all three of those times

* i am a wimpy, nursing bra forever, loser

* Parker plays independently better than any of my children

* chocolate chip cookies were made yesterday

It's been a funny day today. We are trapped inside for the third day in a row. Yesterday we tackled the kids bedrooms and i moved Tristan into her own room where she can practice her disturbingly high self-esteem poses in privacy. I transformed Toby and Eliza's room into a den of fun.

So, with all those exciting changes they did pretty good playing up there on their own for a good part of the day. Tristan spent her time making skull and crossbone signs for her door and a "hair styles 25å¢" sign for her door. I'm too lazy to take a picture of it tonight, but don't fret it will be saved for posterity tomorrow.

All of them had some pretty funny things to say today, starting with Toby who came to help me feed the chickens and said:

"Mom, we should have taken out Charlie's eyeballs before we buried him."
"Why?"
"Because, that's what people do when someone they know dies. Then you hang them on the wall."
"Nu-huh?? (i have a weirdo in my midst) why?"
"Oh, so they can watch you after they die!"
"Hmmm."

Odd little man that one. I tell you boys bewilder me sometimes."

Then Eliza, who's four;
"mommy! Where do boobies come from?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know, boobies like Parker likes"
"Oh, like the milk?"
"No... like the booby."
"Well, they grow as you get older, like when you're a teenager."
"No mom! The booby!"

At this point i changed the subject to lunch! A favorite meal of the day around here. As we often have crepes with lemon and brown sugar to use up all the eggs. Yum.

And tonight at bedtime Parker was playing and chatting with me in his two-word sentence baby language. Every night right before the "booby?" i tell him i love him and give him a kiss. Tonight he said;

"Parker mommy love... mommy put Parker bed"

Aw shucks.

Plus Shane brought me home the new Death Cab for Cutie! A much better day.

Have you ever felt like you just had too much going on? Too much shit to deal with and you just want to crawl under the covers and hide. I would do that today, but i would be attacked by children thinking it was some kind of mommy in a tent game.

The kids school starts next tuesday and the school is not ready. Not ready in a way that means we don't have an occupancy permit on one of the buildings. And it all falls onto me. It's my problem. What the hell was i thinking (becoming president)?

I should have seen this coming. I have been riding a nice little emotional high lately. Lots of visitors. Lots of family. Lots of love. And now i'm spent. Grasping at straws for what may be left of my sanity and energy.

Before you ask - no he's not weaned. And yes he wakes up all the time. All the time. I think he's getting his 2 year molars. I think i am going to go crazy.

And now that summer's coming to an end, i'm sad. I don't want it to end. I don't want to face having to get the big two out the door early every morning. And making lunches for the fussiest fuss-asses in the world. And the endless driving.

And it's raining. And cold.

Blech.

We have had such a wonderful week. My sister and her kids came and stayed at a condo on the lake that to me was almost identical to maui. It has been great.

We capped the week at the Fall Fair which you can see at flickr. It was a great time. All the kids decorated their bikes for the parade, such as it was, and all one great ribbons. Tristan worked very hard on a poster earlier in the summer and won the poster competition against a bunch of 15 year olds. We were very proud.

It's been great. Back to business tomorrow.

Tonight i have five children. My lovely little niece Bryn is spending the night. I just went up to tuck them all in and I overheard Eliza and Toby explaining to Bryn how to make friends.

Eliza - "you just walk up to someone and you tell them you want to be friends"

Toby - "when you start kindergarten you'll have too many friends"

Bryn - "But kids don't like me"

That's the sound of my heart breaking. Kids are so sweet and there is something so special about cousins. I never had that as a child and i love watching my nieces and kids interacting and creating these bonds this week.

Bryn was born with severely clubbed feet. She had casts for the first year of her life, followed by four years of physical therapy and four surgeries. She still seems a little uncoordinated, but to look at her you'd never know all the trauma she's been through.

It's amazing to me the things these kids can go through and thrive.

I love them.

heh... i just really wanted to say that.

I have made an appointment for waxing of eyebrows and bikinis and hair and highlights - on my head! Get your mind out of the gutter!

I'll document it all in photos and a degree of pain from 1-10. Just kidding about the photos.

Maybe.

I was chatting with my sister today, who's' a doctor, and her husband the plastic surgeon and probing about the various things they see and do in their jobs. I feel so un-educated: labial reductions, butt cheek implants, hello! Where have i been?

The topic switched to women and how they act at their physical exams and, well how they look. I have noticed lots of talk here and there about Brazilian waxing. So, i asked my sister. She said that five years ago very few women waxed it all off and when they did they were embarrassed at their appointments with her. But, now... 70% of her patients have the pubic full monty.

So, i'm feeling curious and a little horrified at the state of my girly parts. She did say that she sees lots of women who have folliculitis from waxing. Icky. I do shave my bikini line and often it gets irritated.

So ladies, what's the scoop? Come out of hiding and tell me your stories. Are 70% of you doing the Brazilian?

All is well. We had a little ceremony today and we buried Charlie in a "peaceful" (as much as one exists in a house of four kids and two dogs) place in our yard. Eliza was very sad and i took the opportunity to talk about death and dyiing. It was good and nice and real. I know it all seems silly for a chicken, but we really care about our chickens - they are pets as much as our dogs are.

My sister and her kids are visiting and i have taken many photos with my new camera, have i mentioned how i love it, cause i love it so... Anyway pictures can be seen on flickr.

I am amazed at how different siblings can be, i see it in my own kids; but me and my sister - night and day. My sister is a worrier and completely OCD, literally. She can't handle my house and my kids. She literally thinks that we are disgusting, in a loving kind of way. People often come to my house and comment "i can't believe how clean you keep your house with four kids..." but, my sister, she makes me feel like shit. Like the shittiest mother in the world. My kids are happy kids, messy yes, but happy. And i am cool with that. Yet, it's amazing how a sister can make you feel like shit about your lifestyle choices.

My mom, who happens to be hear too, even stayed behind when we went to the logging museum and cleaned the whole house for me. Fucking excellent. She could feel my stress. Is there anything better than someone else cleaning your house? I really don't think there is. I once had house cleaners for awhile and despite strangers inspecting my dainty's it was the best of times.

I really have not much to say as i am still dragging my ass in sleep deprivation. But, Parker is climbing down from the ledge of crazy nursing mom pushed too far, and weaning is again in sight. As is his second birthday baby.

Chickens!

That would be their chicken eating grins. Lucy and Doodle, along with my moms two equally benign looking miniature schnauzures, Molly and Chloe, turned into a veritable dog pack tonight. What did they do?

they killed my rooster, Charlie.

sob. sob. sob.

Charlie was a good fellow. He loved his little brood of hens, he cocka-doodle-dooed every morning bright and early, did little chicken dances for the ladies and alerted all to hawks and owls (somewhat successfully).

Fitting that i also watched the last Six feet Under tonight. I have lost many friends.

Charlie 2004-August 22, 2005

After a wonderful and relaxing weekend without three of my children I feel as though my mother self has climbed down off the ledge of a damn long summer. School starts in two short weeks and in a way I am a little sad to wrap it all up.

Did I really just say that?

I am really enjoying the lazy mornings; not rushing my children out of the house, bleary eyed, to school.

That's about it though. In actuality, bring it on. Oh dear school come and sweep my children up.

I can say it time and again; being a mom is tough work. I was thinking last night how we all have these incredibly draining hardships in our lives, whether they be physical, emotional or just the worry that something will happen to one of our loved ones, or worrying about doing it right, or just plain worry.

I have been blessed with children that require a lot of worrying; whether it be Toby's speech or Eliza's allergies and asthma. I try not to bitch on about my own particular sob story. I know that we all have them and focusing on the self-pity just makes me sad. It doesn't help me to cope or adjust or lead a good life. Sometimes though the worry is too much. It envelopes me in a fog that i can't see clearly through. It makes my life a long slow trudge.

What the hell am i talking about? I am sort of lost in a post-vacation melt down I think.

But, damn they're so cute. These kids of mine.

In other news I think this whole post could be explained by one thing: extreme sleep deprivation. Since the summer 2005 stomach flu Parker has become a renewed nursing champion. Awake every, hmmm, 20 minutes - all night long! Add onto that various nightmares, ailments, late night blogging and I am tired. Fucking tired.

Goal for this week: get Parker weaned, or at the very least close to weaned. Get happy, have fun, bake cookies and sleep.

I am the proud owner of a new Canon EOS Digital Rebel XT. And i am proud. I've waited a long time for this indulgence, but i suffer from chronic buyers remorse. Not that i don't love that damn camera; it's just hard to spend that much money. The camera is worth more than our cars are, shitty cars that is.

But fun.

Tristan, Toby and Eliza are all on Saltspring with Grandma and we are enjoying the almost alone time (just Parker). So, this is just a brief brag as it is couple time...

Mrs Kennedy wields extra-ordinary powers of blog domination. Within minutes of her showing a link to me wearing my rock start shirt my traffic (visitors) was crazy out of control. It left me filled with angst. I am not a popular girl and i am not crafty in wielding those powers.

Today i had $2700 deposited in my personal bank account, not my shared account, but my private, just for me account. What did i first think of? My new digital camera of course; screw the kids and back to school and bills, momma needs a new camera!

But first, where did the money come from?

Good question.

It all started, this one time at band camp (and no that never gets old when your old like me), when Toby, my six year old, was diagnosed with Apraxia of Speech at age 2 1/2; (I would give you links, but it's all just gobbilty gook) he has a blip in his brain. He knows how words should sound, but somewhere between his brain and his mouth it all gets screwed up. Believe me it's not as simple as that and i have lost about five years of sleep over it, but he is the most awesome boy you will ever meet (challenge me on that and i will "punch you in the face". ) Anyways, we have been paying for private speech therapy at about $150 per week for the past three years as he has been "forgotten" by the system in that time. Eventually i clued in (and accepted) that there was a disability tax credit that applied to us and la-de-da we got it.

And so todays money was five years of grief for me; plus the acknowledgment that my son was now considered disabled by the government.

Is it right and fair of me to spend that money on a camera?

Bloggity blog blog... it's so late...i should be dead.

It was really hot out today so the kids brought their outside toys in. We have a heat pump which, in the summer, acts as an air conditioner. So, the boys had fun roaring around inside:

And then the day became a little, ahem, hotter when i had this man outside for most of the day cleaning the roof, gutters and windows:

And to add fire to it i got my rock star shirt in the mail today from Mrs Kennedy. I swear anybody would look hot in it. State of mind baby.

Our totally cute and un-edible little chicken. His name is Dumbledore.

You're Mother Night!

by Kurt Vonnegut

Nobody knows what to believe about you, and you know least of all. You
spent most of your time convinced that the ends justify the means, but your means were,
well, downright mean! And the end is nigh. Meanwhile all you want is to travel back in
time, if not to change, then to just delight in the way it used to be. You are who you
pretend to be. Oh yes, you're the great pretender.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

At least once a day i hear one of my daughters go into the bathroom and yell "someone pooped and didn't flush!"

It sounds so weird. I know. It does to me too.

Toby will not flush when he poops. No. Matter. How. Much. I. Stress. That. It. Is. Important.

Everyday, "Toby, get in here! You didn't flush! It's gross!"

Everyday people.

Every day for three years.

I just found one. It's 11pm for fuck's sake.

My husband thinks it's normal.

He says: "Oh, I remember once (at band camp) when we went on vacation for three weeks..."

Boys are gross.

Wow. I have had friends in my life and once upon a time i had BFF (best friends forever), but then elementary school ended. And i have had friends since then in real life, Stacey and Danielle come to mind, and then we moved. And then, well i have tried. But, i fall into that looks like someone i could be friends with, but man she's weird... group of aquaintances.

But then i tell you, there's the internet and my friend Erica, and Jen, and the other jen, and flippy, and supa and so many others... and they make me swoon. And, well, they make me feel cool.

But, i notice some glaring similarities among the internet savvy... they are good people who are geeks at heart and champions of what i can only guess is the awkward hug.

Sometimes friends come through cable/satellite/phone lines.

Welcome to the Filthy Mom Society! I have been swamped with sick kids, school work and the best job in the world. What is it? Well, let me tell you. I am editing a Skin Therapy Newsletter for the Canadian Dermatology Association. Fun or what? Every 15th word or so is an actual word that I would actually know the spelling to all the rest I have to google one by one to get proper spelling and usage! Words like onycholysis and subungual hyperkeratosis! Fun, fun fun.

The kids are all healthy again - a happy house. Oh joy oh joy. Last night I actually got to leave the house to go to a Board meeting and, I swear to god, I skipped down the driveway grinning ear to ear as I left the den of sickness, and yes FILTH, behind me.

A Nikon D70, a Nikon D50, or Canon Digital Rebel?

Advice, experience, comments all appreciated.

Camera to be bought this weekend.

Many pictures to follow.

***********************

I have been so sick. Really, so much more so than i share, because as everyone knows i am filthy**.

** at least that's what my family tells me. And so i have nothing left to share, lest i share germs.

I, the last person on earth to do such a thing, am now in the world of IM. Please contact me at my IM address: drowninginkids

I am lonely and filthy and sick and sometimes snarky.

Oh yes, 9 pounds down! six to go.

Shitty, shitty week.

But, i ran into a grade 6 girl from my kids school and she said; "are you the president this year?"

me: "yes, yes i am"

her: "sweet!!"

it made me happy.

As you can see from the above plenty of sleep and the proliferation of the BRAT diet has made us all, almost, all better. That was a really bitchin flu I have to say. Either I, meaning me and my kids, am getting weaker or flu bugs are getting nuclear strength.

Shane, the asshole, totally escaped unscathed. I hate him for that. I secretly licked him while he was sleeping.

My OCD doctor sister is convinced that we got sick because we are filthy. She is totally disgusted by the chickens and the well and pretty much everything we do. And, even better!, she's coming to visit for a week. Thank god she's not staying with us. But, of course, her insistent bitching about hand-washing has me wondering if maybe we did get sick because of the chickens. Chickens are disgusting creatures. I mean really filthy. But, fun! I don't think we did, but i've penned them back into their small run in the meantime.

I was a vegetarian for 15 years and only switched back to eating meat when I was pregnant with Tristan and had insulin-dependent gestational diabetes and couldn't get it under control; the protein from meat helped. Anyway, i wanted chickens because i watched this (not for the weak of heart). I wanted to feed my children food that was most importantly - healthy. To me healthy means food that is fed all-natural diets, not given steroids or growth hormones (some medications are necessary), and killed in a humane way. For a time I considered raising meat birds as well; that is why we have a turkey, she's our test to see if we can actually do that. When you raise meat birds there is a truck that is all stainless steel inside and they come to your house and process the birds for you; kill them, feather them etc. and hand you back a whole roasting chicken in a plastic bag. I know, i know sounds so frighteningly gross, but if you watch that video would you rather eat that? I've considered the vegetarian thing for my family, but Eliza is allergic to all nuts and peanuts and by proxy the rest of the family is too. It's hard to be a vegetarian without nuts or products that "may contain" nuts. So, raising your own meat seemed the best and most efficient way to become a total fucking hick! No! I mean the best way to feed my children healthy food.

Heavy, heavy for a sunday morning!

I did it! I made a long drive with four kids to purchase a green tea frappucinno, actually a half sweet, no whip green tea frappucinno.

It was awesome and totally worth the drive, but perhaps a bit too much for my post-flu stressed tummy. But good.

Did i mention that in the middle of the puky/poopy flu i also got my period. Yay for for me. My body knows how to rock me really hard.

Now that is the flu three step final dip. Have a good weekend. I will be back with bells on and perhaps a few pounds lighter.

Toby came to me this morning and in a comical kind of voice said:

"Mommy! I just can't believe it, I farted and poop came out!"

me "where!!??"

"On the couch!"

me "oh shit"

"I know mom"

I have a weak tummy, always have always will. I highly suspect i have irritable bowel syndrome and was once diagnosed with it 15 years ago. But, I have never done anything about it. My husband and I were discussing this last night as he is alarmed at how often the little children in our house get diarrhea and how long it lasts. He thinks that if i figure out what the hell is wrong with me, then perhaps we can help them.

Our conversation went like this:

him "Why don't you go to the doctor?"

me "Because i know that it will include some sort of rectal exam and i am just not into that"

him "it takes just a minute. It's not worth a minute of your life to stop the problem?"

me "not really, no. You've never been pregnant and given birth have you? I've had all i can take of people poking and prodding down there."

him "don't you think the doctor would be interested in knowing you've had the shits for 15 years?"

me "maybe, but i'm sure he'll survive without knowing it."

Ah yes, the ongoing documentary of bowel habits at my house is, i'm sure, of great interest to the internet.

Feeling better. Thanks for all your thoughts. The last time i felt this bad was about the exact time this picture was taken. After Parker was born in september 2003 we had the brilliant plan to purchase a new house in the country, sell our home and move all in a six week period! Awesome idea mom! Four kids, oldest 6 youngest, 1 week. Three c-sections. Result = mommy with mad staph. infection in said c-sec. wound, back in hospital, iv antibiotics - threat of flesh-eating ensues.

Now that was a good time!

Makes the past 36 hours seem peachy. Not really. I'll spare y'all the details of much poop and puke often at the same time! In stereo!

Today - many, many loads of laundry and a bleach bath for the whole house and perhaps the children!

In yet another installment of the joys of the stomach flu. This particular bug has taken our house as fast as kids to candy. All have fallen, including me.

Better soon/back soon.

On Sunday in the very small hours little Eliza came down with the stomach flu. I think people in nearby towns could have probably heard my heart breaking at that moment. Why? When you are the mother of more than one child you know all too well the revolving flu hierarchy. As one child begins to feel better child number two will suddenly begin to turn pale and any hopes of sleep you had for that day will suddenly be ripped away by stomach cramps and the poops.

And you will know that this evil cycle will continue until every child in your house has been taken down and if you become weary and sleep deprived enough you too will get to end your week of cleaning up barf and wiping endless poopy butts heaving in the toilet while weeping at 3am.

As i've said before we have recently had a few Great Horned Owls living in our yard and checking out the chickens. At night while Shane and i sit out on the balcony talking we often hear them hooting. We like to hoot to them and hear them hoot back at us. We often give each other a knowing smile and thumbs up gesture during these moments acknowledging the total awesomeness of our house. We are still a little sensitive at times about the whole move to the country thing.

So, another activity we like here in the country is walking around our long block with the kids. Our block runs in a circle and is about 2 kilometers which in miles would be... something different. Everybody on the street enjoys privacy and the only real social activity is the walk around the block where we often stop and chat. Except when we pass the house on the corner. They are an older couple who are very religous, they took down all two acres of trees on their property for the timber money and built an armageddon shelter. Ahm-a-geddin-ready.

So, as we pass their house, if they are out in the garden, we like to yell out something along the lines of "goddammit Doodle get over here, jesus!" Then they both drop to their knees and pray. Really, there is no shortage of entertainment in the country. We are definately going to hell.

Today as we went for a walk we ran into a neighbour and were chatting about the owls in our yard and he was chatting about the owls in his. We both enjoyed hooting to the owls at night. At some point in the conversation we realised at about the exact same moment that we had all been hooting to each other. "Yah, well then, hah! Goodbye" And that was that.

Today my kids found the eggs the chickens have been hiding. We brought them inside, 21 of them, and went for a walk. When we came home most of them were broken and licked clean on the playroom floor.

Doodle has the stinkiest, stink-ass farts i have ever smelled in my whole life!

I went to sleep suffering an anxiety attack that i was going to die in my sleep and that last post would be what i was remembered for. I love my husband, yah sure, but i would suffer more sorrow and sadness than i can even tremble to imagine if, god forbid, anything ever happened to any of my children. It fills me with so much sorrow and emptiness just to think about it.

I could not live through a tragedy like that. I am definitely not like Ayelet Waldman. I totally respect her and have enjoyed participating in discussions with her in a group we once belonged to together for children born in June 1997.

But, my love for my husband is different than my love for my children. My children are everything to me. Despite my rants and raves about their behavior and what not, they have changed and added so much to my life and afforded me the luxury of knowing what pure joy is.

That's that. Now, maybe, i can sleep.

I love my husband. I love him so much.

Today, i was driving along listening to some memory enhancing music and it reminded me of how sad i am without him. How he knows all my little nuances and secrets and how sometimes i need to be taken care of. How sometimes i need to be taken in a gentle lap and held because it all makes me feel so damn sad and overwhelmed.

And also, how he can make me laugh. How we spend hours talking most every night and never really get tired of each others company. How we both would rather be with each other than hanging out with anybody else. How we have this history full of love and fun and grief and joy and all the shit.

I love him.

I feel like Ayelet Waldman must. Maybe i do understand.

Have a good weekend.

I have been feeling low all week. I'm not really sure why. The weather is (finally) beautiful. The garden is growing, the chicks are growing, the hens are hiding their eggs - damn them, and we have been spending dubious amounts of time at the lake where the kids, for the most part, get along and don't whack each other over the head with shovels.

Except that they never listen - i mean really never listen, unless i'm offering up some sort of treat. I think, actually i know, that i am one of the worst discipliners ever. I am wimpy to the core. I think i lived in such constant fear of getting in trouble (by my dad) growing up that i wanted to save them from that. But what has it achieved? It's turned me into a jeckyl/hyde mom. I slide and slide and then i have a little freak out. They totally don't take that seriously either though, they just keep on doing whatever is sending me over the edge until i have to say "mommy is really going to freak out now" and then sometimes they listen.

I still haven't weaned Parker, total wimp personified there. It just seems so much easier to sleep. Except that i don't. I wake up and nurse him at least four times a night. I know that if i weaned him i'd suffer for a few days and then i could possibly/probably sleep. History has shown me that that is the case. I just can't bear the few nights of agony. My bedroom consists of three mattresses on the floor; one queen size that Shane, Parker and I sleep on, one single that Eliza sleeps on most nights and a third that Toby sleeps on most nights. When Toby and Eliza come in they wake me up too. That makes at least six wake-ups.

And the kids all sleep together too. Three single beds all in a row. They could have their own rooms, but that is what they want. Yet somehow, even the close proximity of siblings, isn't enough for any of them, except Tristan. Toby, Eliza and Parker all need me.

Now I know it's all sweet and cute that they all need me so much, but if anyone else tells me that i'll look back on these days fondly i'm gonna punch them in the face. I know that someone somewhere said this and i thought it was Melissa, but i can't find it in my searches. But, take this as an acknowledgement of my un-originality. Also, if my mother-in-law asks one more time "are they sleeping in their rooms yet" i'm gonna punch her too - screw the inheritance.

weaning
co-sleeping
family bed

Today I had an amazing phone call that has left me feeling all itchy inside like i might just vomit right now.

You see, I got a call from a client of sorts who i do some web-editing for and they want me to write five articles for Canadian Living magazine from information on their site. Articles on Lice, Eczema, psoriasis and a couple others. Holy Shit! For you non-canadians Canadian Living is probably the biggest Canadian Lifestyle / homemaker type magazine, kinda like Chatelaine. All aboot stuff for us canadian gals eh?

I have postioned myself as fully qualified to take on this task, but i'm so not!

But, i can do it. I just have to stop writing stupid-ass posts about porn stars.

added later - bear with me while i try out this whole tag thing

canadian living
lice

Lately we've been watching some new shows as there is nothing much on in the summer except total crap. Being Canada there's no TiVo, but we do have large amounts of nudity and sex on cable television.

We have started watching a reality show about ass-porn man Seymour Butts. Family Business - I think it's called. Anyway, i don't consider myself an ass-porn kind of girl so i've never actually seen his movies, but, i have noticed that in the show he is often trying to get dates. There would be some big expectations going on a date with him, first and foremost he is definitely going to want to do it in the, umm, non-traditional way. Also, he has like a two year old son. That would be a hard role for a girl, so i suppose it's a good thing he had a boy. I'm just wondering how many people are surprised that that mother actually did it enough times in the 'traditional' way to actually get pregnant.

I feel like I have the hugest whup-ass hangover. But no, I have a blogher-over. Too much information. Too many photos where I feel like the unpopular girl looking at all the photos of the cool kids in the yearbook. I'm trying to understand Haloscan and I don't, but I put the stupid code in my template and now my comments are all fucked up. And everybody is putting these stupid technorati tags in and i totally don't get it or how to do it and the site has no useful information at all. Aaaah. My head hurts like a job.

I also have a dumbass yeast infection which really sucks and without getting into detail i think Shane needs to eat some yogurt and me too. I was just driving home from the drug store and that Killers song came on "it started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this? it was only a kiss" and that song speaks volumes to me on certain days.

Today Parker found a black Sharpie marker and drew all over himself, the kitchen floor (hardwood), the window!?, and the cushions on the chairs. Really you want to cry, but all i did was laugh. Cause you know who left the stupid pen out in the first place? Me. It was only a kiss.

Can someone help me? Please? I'm an html idiot.

He's home!!! He's home and he's in the mood so I need to make this quick.

I've been eagerly reading all the BlogHer wrap-up posts. I have so many thoughts. First and formost are the upsetting number of times I have read a comment like "she said i was pretty good for a mommy blogger". It makes me so frustrated this time old fight. It reminds me of when I was in Womens Studies in University and the lesbians all hated us het. girls or as we liked to be called BUG's (bi until grad). But, it seems that whenever a group of people get together there is going to be politics. I think it is a mistake to assume that this only happens among women. I guarantee you if you go to a chiropractor conference there will be politics and fighting among the crackers and non-crackers.

I think that the more we hear the mommy bloggers out there complaining that they feel marginalized among female bloggers, instead of among bloggers in general, the more people are going to glom (like that word?) on to it and use it as another reason why women are so bitchy and emotional.

And that is how the real issue gets forgotten and the real issue is why are women bloggers less popular than male and why are mommy bloggers un-appreciated, and what the fuck is a blog anyway?

I just added Haloscan to my blog and I lost all my old comments. Nobody told me THAT was going to happen. Please comment again if I never responded to you so that I can respond and visit appropriately or not, as the case may be.

Many changes coming soon to this page! Ooh... exciting.