There's no cure for life

I still miss them, but we had a nice day. Eliza is a joy to be around and happy to run in the sprinkler for hours while i sing 'ring around the rosie' 500 times. (Is it ashes ashes or husha husha we all fall down?) It was nice and I was generally happy to have happy kids. I've just been thinking about how really lonely and hard it is to be a SAHM. I read this today and i felt bad for her, really bad. But i don't know SJ - at all - and i am really lame at leaving comments and so instead of trying to offer my thoughts or well wishes to her i sat and stewed about it all day.

And i thought about being a mom and how hard it is and how every step is hard.

And i also thought about when my second child, Toby, was born and how fucking hard life became. For awhile. And then magically when he was about 10 months old life became easier. I have fond memories of being out all day with Tristan and Toby in the bicycle trailer and zipping about everywhere. They were both really happy at that time. Probably the happiest they ever were, at least the best the two of them ever got along. And then I got pregnant, again.

I think some of the hardest days of parenting I've had have been when I was pregnant and parenting at the same time. During your first pregnancy, even though you are working, life is simple and revolves around you and the wonderful thing you are doing. You can sleep and eat and shop and do all those preparation things at leisure and at your owh whims. It's kind of magical. As well as those first few months with the first child. They are magical, personal, private and peaceful moments that you can never appreciate until you are ripped into the reality of being a mom to more than one. I am not a yeller, but i have yelled a lot when i was pregnant. I have felt shame about my parenting skills during those days. Being pregnany can really suck when you have other kids. People assume you're an expert and therefor you aren't afforded all the luxuries first-time mothers are. You can't languish in the miracle you are creating because that first little miracle needs you - Now!

And so I felt bad, because those are hard times and saying "It will get better" doesn't help, at all.

Plus, everybody is going to BlogHer and I'm not and I want to beat you all up. And if I was going I would totally know what to wear.