Suburban Bliss is so totally right. Summer vacation is a time for children to laugh and play and have fun, unless, you happen to be my kids. If you happen to belong to me you have inherited the anti-kid gene - the total inability to entertain yourself, to act like and behave like a child. I suspect that it is a combination of television, lack of school and being too entertained and directed by me for too long. When we moved up here we believed we were moving to kid heaven - two acres of woods and forest to play in, completely safe. Instead, when we push them out the door to play they stand there wailing and crying that there's nothing to do and "it's boring". My gosh - what is that about? There is also bicycles, ride-on cars, a trampoline, chickens and chicks. What the heck? When i was a child we spent hours and hours outside playing in the woods, on the road, on the trampoline. It was nothing but fun.

What is the problem with my kids? Why do they hate me?

Normally I try and avoid expletives, mostly because I'm not a good swearer, tend to blush - but nonetheless shit, shit, shit - my husband is taking two weeks of holiday starting on July 4th. Great. It's so "great" because we are doing absolutely nothing - nothing! Staying home because supposedly that's the most relaxing thing - for him. My life will continue as always, taking care of four kids, cooking, cleaning, laundry, oh yeah, it will actually be five kids. I'm sorry but that isn't a holiday - that's work.

Its done, phew, see it here.

Shane and Toby are off at a Seattle Mariners game. They took the Clipper down and will be back tomorrow. It was a Father's Day Gift and my husband is so happy - he was like a kid grinning ear to ear as he left this morning. That makes me happy.

My mind is sort of adrift in my new presidency! ha - that sound kind of cool. Anyway, it is a real stretch for me as far as coming out of my shell. I am shy by nature and generally speaking, parallyzed with fear when it comes to public speaking. Tonight I will chair my first board meeting.

Coming back around to the ball game I am wondering why my husband is always the one travelling and i am always the one sitting here alone with the kids? I find it shocking how I constantly allow myself to be sold further and further into the patriarchy. I wonder what happened to the kick-ass university student, the one who let no one or nothing stand in her way? If I think about it - kids happened - kids who consume me heart and soul and at the same time keep me tied down to this house and the reality that a Stay-at-home mom is still a housewife or homemaker with a new name. Still tied down by those apron strings.

who do we appreciate? Me, me , me! My month of birthday's ended today with toby's sixth birthday. His party is Saturday at the Bug Zoo and school ends next thursday. I am insanely busy until then and after that I will write humorous enlightening things every single day. My kids are now almost 2 and then 4, 6, and 8. Cool.

We have five chicks cheep cheep cheeping in the laundry room.

I am now president of my kids school for a two year term. Shit. Double shit. What the hell am I thinking?

1. I have four kids
2. I have two boys - Parker and Toby
3. I have two girls - Tristan and Eliza
4. I have been married ten years.
5. Instead of a wedding we got a car.
6. I have 11 chickens and four (and counting) chicks.
7. I have two dogs - Lucy and Doodle.
8. One year ago we gave up living in the city to live on an acreage in the country.
9. I am trying to lose 15 pounds.
10. I have curly hair and hate it.
11. I recently had my eyebrows waxed for the first time ever.
12. The last book I read was "Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone" (to my daughter)
13. I am very tired.
14. I haven't slept through the night in 9 years.
15. I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome
16. Heavy D. once asked me to marry him.
17. I have sold shoes to Steven Tyler, Sheryl Crow, Sarah Maclachlan, David Duchovny, Paula Abdul, all of Everclear, Winona Ryder and her then rockstar boyfriend, Heavy D. and Madonna.
18. It wasn't very exciting to sell those shoes.
19. Paula Abdul spent $13,000 on shoes for herself and her dancers.
20. I have an undergraduate degree in English and Womens Studies.
21. I had a nervous breakdown when I graduated from college.
22. I loved Kurt Cobain and his suicide was part of my nervous breakdown.
23. I probably drink too much.
24. I can do front and back flips on the trampoline.
25. I was in diving for 10 years.
26. I love to cook.
27. I hate to clean.
28. I hate laundry more than anything.
29. I live in fear of ticks and other skin bugs.
30. I'm really scared of heights.
31. I have terrible grammar, yet an English Honors graduate.
32. I got through University on charm and weirdness.
33. I am painfully shy and often anti-social.
34. I firmly believe that nobody really knows me.
35. I love Green Tea Ice Cream, but never eat it.
36. I suspect that i am lactose intolerant.
37. My sister has M.S. and I constantly worry that i'll get it too.
38. I worry that I'm going to hell for thinking that way.
39. I think I surround myself with children and animals because i am lacking something.
40. Really all this life just makes me feel good.
41. A friends child once ran out of my room holding not one, but two vibrators a la Parenthood.
42. It's good to have friends that don't tease about these things.
43. It's hard to think of 100 things about me.
44. I can't stand it when it's too hot out.
45. I sometimes will smoke.
46. I love my iPod
47. I love my iBook
48. I once had a book of poetry and photography published.
49. I live in fear that someone i know will actually see that book.
50. I loved the movie Betty Blue
51. Others I loved were American Beauty, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Sideways, Lost in Translation and many more...
52. I have read so many books I can't even begin.
53. My new favorite band is the Arcade Fire
54. I wish it was easier to be a mom
55. I probably yell at my kids too much.
56. Sometimes I wish, just for a moment, that i took another path in life.
57. I think that plastic surgery is wrong, but would totally get some if it were free.
58. My Brother-in-Law is a plastic surgeon.
59. Ditto for botox.
60. I don't think i can make it to 100.
61. Getting this far has taken a week.
62. Am i really this boring?
63. I have had more relationships than i would have liked.
64. I think i may probably go to hell for that too.
65. I really love my kids.
66. I see my light in their eyes.
67. My oldest daughter is going to be really beautiful.
68. It's a good thing she practices poor personal hygiene so at to keep the boys away.
69. I would give anything to hear my oldest son have perfect speech.
70. I hope i never have to spend time on the pediatric ward of the hospital again.
71. I wish i could have another baby.
72. I secretly hope that my tubes magically untie.
73. My sex drive is not what it used to be.
74. I am still breastfeeding.
75. I have been nursing steadily since 1997.
76. I fear I won't even recognize those friends once weaning happens.
77. Did I mention my brother in law is a plastic surgeon.
78. At what age do i stop worrying about those things.
79. I like to manipulate people for fun.
80. That's not very nice, I really only do it when its harmless and beneficial (to me).
81. I have never been to church in my life.
82. Except for funerals
83. When we first moved to the country and I was desperately lonely I thought about going.
84. I didn't.
85. I think that i should probably take my kids.
86. But, I won't.
87. It's hard for me not to be lazy.
88. When the weather changes frequently it makes me depressed.
89. I haven't taken any medicine since 1996, except for some painkillers after birth.
90. I miss neo citran.
91. I like watching Survivor, Six Feet Under, the Sopranos, Entourage and Rescue Me.
92. Also, a little bit, Newlyweds, Rob and Amber Get Married, the Osbournes and Ashley Simpson.
93. Don't tell ANYBODY i said that.
94. Holy shit, almost 100.
95. I live in constant fear of my children dying.
96. Except, i try not to think about it.
97. Except, when i can't sleep.
98. I suspect that my miniature schnauzer is eating the chicken food and that is why she is so fat.
99. My hens killed their babies and then ate them.
100. That was a very bad day for me.

spit. That's what I've been doing for the past week. Gross. I have this nasty cold bug that has settled into my chest in a nasty hacky way.

My sister came to visit this weekend with her gorgeous daughters Bryn and Tegan. Tegan is the same age as Parker and pretty close to perfect, right behind Parker (in the baby department, my kids have all departments of cute all wrapped up so don't even bother trying) who is totally perfect - except for the very loud "booobeee" that he yells at me at all the most inappropriate times. So, Tegan like Eliza has many, many , many allergies - all life-threatening. It's a little stressful to be around her, or more appropriately my sister. Eliza has had her allergies for three years now and in that time we have learned to mellow out, follow our instinct and trust that we can keep her safe. My OCD sister on the other hand stresses over each and every step and, literally, does not allow Tegan to ever be unsupervised. They will even sit up all night watching her sleep if they suspect that an allergic reaction may be occurring. I'm proud to say however that we made it through four days without any reactions. But, to get to the point my sister has taught Tegan to spit whenever she asks her to - it is the funniest, cutest thing seeing this little toddler bend over and verbally more than physically spit "patooo".

Yesterday my oldest daughter, Tristan, turned 8; next week my middle son Toby will turn 6 and last week Eliza turned 4. It's hard to keep up your energy for three birthdays in a row plus the requisite parties. Yikes.

I was out late at a meeting and came home and lingered in their bedroom (they all sleep together) amazed at what had sprung forth from my womb. Amazed at the journey this mothering life has taken me on and mostly amazed at the truth in the old saying that time flies. When I decided to get pregnant almost 9 years ago it was really just a whimsical thought, sort of a gee wouldn't that be nice. Well, surprise it actually happened - and quickly. I can't really use the excuse of being young, I was 26, yet totally unprepared for the motherhood journey. I fumbled my way through pregnancy and came to birth totally unprepared. There wasn't even a crib in my home when I came home from the hospital. Yet, somehow I survived, persevered and, obviously four kids later, thrived. I am constantly amazed at the complexities and impact of everything I do every day and how it affects these little wonderful creatures. My desire to enjoy every moment, yet often rushing through the day yearning for those quiet moments of a sleeping house. However, always after they have been asleep a few hours I wander into their room and miss them, the nuances of the day.

My love has gone away again. It's actually getting much easier, dare I say, nice when he goes away everything just seems to flow better. The kids miss him, of course, but life is smoother and, dare i say it (again), happier. We, or I, seem to feel these expectations when he is here. Get things done on time, eat a proper dinner, get everyone in bed so that he can relax - all of it. All the daily rituals that keep the family moving. But, when he is away we fly by the seat of our pants and then I realize at the end of the day that everything happened at pretty much the same schedule but without those expectations. The house is really clean, the chickens are in bed in a clean coop, the dogs are fed and walked, the kids are in bed quietly pooped out from a busy day and tummies are full of kid fare, healthy fare, but definitely kid fare.

So, what's the big difference? Stress. I think it's stress. My husband is a stressed out basket case - comes with the self-employed territory I think. It reminds me so much of my youth. My dad was always away and when he was we were happy. When he was home life was, well, stressful. I love my dad more than anything, but when I was young I preferred loving him from a distance. What is it about the men in my life that makes them so difficult to live with? How can I make my sons less stressed out when they become, maybe some day, fathers?

I think the drive to succeed and provide kills any gentleness in my man's soul. He pushes himself so hard to succeed and make money, when, in my opinion, at the end of the day the little shining faces of my children means more than any retirement savings plan. But, I digress and that argument is the never-ending saga in our house. The argument I think we will have till the end of our days, until like my father he says "I wish I spent more time..."